Dear Margo, I am 34 years old and about to have my first baby. My husband and I are thrilled beyond words. So, what's the problem? When I told my dad that he is about to become a grandfather, he said, "Not really. I am not your father." I was devastated when he told me that and immediately confronted my mother. She said, "Your dad doesn't know what he is talking about." My father says, "Your mother knows the truth and is lying through her teeth." I don't know what to make of this. Should I have a paternity test done to settle this once and for all, or should I just drop it? Why would my father tell me such a thing after all these years? I am in a state of shock. Please help me figure this out. -- Totally Baffled in Spokane, Wash.
Dear Spokane, In order to prove paternity through a DNA test, you and your father would have to be tested. I doubt that your father would be willing to do this. Your mother appears to be much more stable. Take her word for it. For your father to tell you at this stage of your life that he is not your real dad suggests that he may be a few bricks short of a load. Let's hope that when the baby comes, he will be so thrilled that he will forget about this nonsense.
Dear Spokane, Your punitive father sounds mean and likely a few bricks shy of a load. And what a time to bring this up! It is possible that the "Grandpa" thing disturbed him, so he lashed out. I recall that my starter husband, the father of my children, told our elder daughter, when she had her first child, that no one was to call him "Grandpa." (Forever young, doncha' know). There's also evident hostility between your parents. Your mother tells you to ignore him; he responds that she's lying through her teeth. Because they can't seem to decide who did what to whom, when, forget it. I mean, this man has been the only father you've known. The baby might warm him up, but do ask him what name he would like to called when babycakes is old enough to talk. - Margo
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Have the baby call him "Grumpa!"
Maria Luke's Comment
Hello, it is difficult to see your true love take a different direction. Hello everyone, my name is Maria Luke. I have been married for 20 years. One day, my husband told me that he could not continue our marriage because he had seen another woman decide to ask for help and find someone with my similar story online, how his marriage was restored and that I feel my change of history, I live happy with my husband, as when we got married, we strengthen our love for all and I also discover that my husband had a negative influence, I am very grateful to this person for help, if you need help.
Diana Luis's Comment
Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored
Momma Reyes's Comment
Dear Totally Baffled, I would be in shock too! Why tell you that now? I’m sorry that happened. I don’t think a DNA test would solve anything. I would sit down with both my parents and have this discussion. You need to clear the air on this subject. I hope it will give you some peace of mind. But it may or may not. Whatever the outcome you should not let it take away from the joy you are about to experience in having a new baby. Build your family with love, patience, honesty and kindness. I’ve never felt that I was in a position to judge others because I never walked in that person’s shoes. We don’t make good decisions 100% of the time. Try to find forgiveness in your heart for whatever the outcome is with your father.
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.