, Advice by Ann Landers - []
Section: family, relationships, manners

Dear Margo,
I received an invitation a few weeks ago to a wedding for a cousin on my Father's side that I met once and haven't seen in 7 years. His Mom is my deceased/divorced Father's sister, and last saw her 7 years ago. My father's brother was very mean to my mom when we were last all together 7 years ago. We do not talk since my parents divorced when I was 3, and my mom raised me all by herself. I am looking into going to the wedding but it will be a plane ride, hotel room finding sitters for 3 children and a dog . The expense will be a few thousand dollars for family that I am not close to, but I feel guilty that maybe I should go. What do you think. Should I just send a gift and a note? - Sandy

Dear Sandy,
My dear, this is a no-brainer. You hardly know these people, and what you do know is unpleasant. I wouldn't even send a gift ... that's the message. I see no point in feeling obligated, let alone guilty, about ignoring an invitation from a family that you met once, haven't seen in seven years, was mean to your mother, and to whom you do not speak. I hope you don't give this another moment's thought. Weddings are for friends (and family you speak to.)
- Margo

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Emma Peel's Comment
loved your answer! Your last sentence say ms it all!
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, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."
-Ann Landers