Dear Ann Landers, I am engaged to a wonderful man I have known for four years. "Dudley" and I plan to be married next summer. He is a kind soul and a perfect gentleman.
Everything was great until a few weeks ago, when Dudley started to hit me while he was asleep. The first time, he punched my rear end with his fist and then stopped suddenly. Last night, he hit me in the stomach twice. Both times, I woke him up and expressed astonishment.
He was completely unaware of what he had done. When I asked him why he was hitting me, he said he had no recollection of doing it and wondered if maybe I dreamt it. Well, Ann, I was definitely not dreaming. Dudley did indeed hit me. I asked if he perhaps dreamed he was in a fight, and he said it was possible, but he never remembers his dreams. I find this hard to believe because I remember mine.
I am truly concerned that Dudley has a subconscious wish to hurt me. Please tell me how to handle this. -- Bruised in Dallas
Dear Bruised, It sounds as if Dudley is a mighty restless sleeper. I doubt that he wants to hurt you. He could be dreaming about a schoolyard bully or a boss he hated years ago. You would, however, be safer in twin beds. The important thing is that he doesn't hit you while he is awake.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Elaine 's Comment
I suspicion that Dudley is aware he's hitting and doing it under the guise of dreaming, which oddly he doesn't remember. Growing up, was he never told during a sleepover that he strikes out during the night? Did parents or siblings never notice? Previous girlfriends? I would be concerned this side of Dudley's personality come out when he's clearly not sleeping and can't excuse it as 'I have no memory of doing that'.
There is a sleep disorder that Dudley may have. It is called RBD - or Rem Behavior Sleep Disorder. Normally when people are dreaming, they do not move or act out what is happening in their dreams. With RBD they do - and often it is dreams in which the person is protecting themselves or their partner against an attack. My Dad had this disorder. It is treated with Melatonan or with a low dose of Klonopin. Dudley should get a sleep study to find out if this is the problem he is having.
My husband is always swinging his arms trying to fight off something in his dreams. He never remembers unless I ask him right away when I wake him up. It's always monsters. If I hear him make any noise like whimpering or anything I make sure to wake him up. He has had this since he was a kid.
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Dear Readers, , My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.