Dear Ann Landers,
My mother has been a widow for several years and is now in her late 70s. She lives alone and has always been fiercely independent. She appears to be in very good health. In fact, there are days when I think she may outlive me. In recent conversations, Mom has made it plain that under no circumstances will she ever go into a retirement home. She says, "When the time comes that I cannot manage on my own, I will live with you." Ann, the thought of us living together is very upsetting. In fact, it's my worst nightmare. I love my mother dearly, but I must take time away from her every three days, or else we end up fighting. I try to visit or communicate with Mom on a daily basis because I am her only friend. Being a realist, I am certain that eventually I am going to have to place my mother in some sort of facility. She refuses to discuss the matter. Whenever I bring up the subject, she acts as if I'm trying to lock her in a dungeon. Please ask your readers who are living in retirement centers to write about their experiences. You have taught me that there can be no better teacher than someone who has been there. Perhaps your readers can help my mother see things differently. Thanks, Ann. -- T.M. in Orlando, Fla.

Dear T.M.,
Here's your letter, and I'll let you know of my readers' responses.

Dear Ann Landers,
You told "Spokane" her dad "may be a few bricks short of a load" because he finally confided to her that he was not her biological father. Then, you printed a story from "Bob on the Internet" about the husband who finds out by looking in the marital collection box that his wife has been passing out favors to big spenders during the 50 years they have been married. These two stories are intimately related, and I didn't think either one was very funny. I'm 60 and have been married to the same woman for more than 40 years. Our two children are in their 30s now. Both are "mine," but one is and one isn't, if you get my drift. I love them both equally, but like "Spokane's" father, I have been deeply hurt. The snake who fathered the second child was supposed to be a good friend of mine. I had no idea of the betrayal until the child matured, and then, her resemblance to the real father was unmistakable. The matter is not discussed, even though I'm sure many people know the truth. What hurts is that no one has ever confessed or apologized. I have been completely faithful to this woman my entire life, even though I knew she dallied with others in addition to the snake many years ago. Things are OK between us, but someday, I hope she'll say she's sorry. -- Betrayed in Texas

Dear Texas,
You have been married 40 years, and now, you are bothered by what you perceive to be your wife's unfaithfulness throughout your marriage? You say you want a confession and an apology. If the situation is as you described it, why did you wait until now to seek some sort of closure? Your letter raises too many questions for me to be able to help you. I hope you will talk this over with a professional counselor, and the sooner the better. Please ask your physician to recommend someone. You need help.

Dear Ann Landers,
I was run over by a drunk driver 21 years ago. As a result, my right arm is paralyzed, and my right leg is partially paralyzed and shorter than the left. I walk with a crutch. I am completely independent and self-sufficient, but whenever I am out in public, someone asks, "What happened to you?" Not a day goes by that some ignorant jerk doesn't confront me with that rude question. Recently, a neighbor's 7-year-old grandson imitated the way I walk in front of his friends. They thought it was hilarious. Parents should teach their children that it is cruel to make fun of a handicapped person. The able-bodied cannot comprehend the embarrassment, humiliation and struggle we must endure. Please tell your readers that we should be treated with respect, not stared at or questioned. Thank you. - Managing in Mesa, Ariz.

Dear Mesa,
Your letter should go a long way toward educating those who are insensitive to the disabled. I hope parents of young children will take special note of what you have written.

Dear Ann Landers,
I just read the letter from "Hey You" in Florida, whose mother-in-law wouldn't call her by name. My own daughter has not called me "Mom" or anything else since she married 38 years ago, when she was 18. I have never heard her say she is sorry when she has been in the wrong. Nor does she ever say, "Please," or "Thank you." This is not the way she was raised. We see each other often, and she is not hostile. Can you explain this? -- Hey, You in California

Dear Hey, You,
No, I cannot explain it. Sounds as if your daughter is angry about the way her life turned out and is just plain bitter. Why don't you ask her why she never calls you "Mom"? Tell her you would like that. It could be the beginning of a meaningful and long-overdue dialogue.

Dear Ann Landers,
I recently saw this poem at work. The author is unknown, but apparently, she witnessed the death of her mother. I cried when I read it, not only because of the pain I felt but because so many women out there need a wakeup call. -- D.R. in West Palm Beach, Fla.

Dear D.R.,
Here it is. Poignant and powerful. Thank you for sending it on. I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered Enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.