Dear Ann Landers, I would like to address this to all the young women who, for whatever reason, think having a baby is "cool."
I am the 17-year-old mother of a 4-month-old daughter. I will be the first to tell you it is not easy. And if you think having a baby will improve the relationship between you and your boyfriend, you are wrong. It will only make matters worse. My boyfriend and I called it quits a couple of weeks ago, when the fighting became unbearable. After three years of being very close, it's over.
If I have changed just one teenager's mind about getting pregnant, the time it took to write this letter will have been well worth it. -- Been There in Indiana
Dear Indiana, Thanks for the testimony. I hope my teenage readers will pay close attention to what you have written. You are a far better authority on this subject that I am. And P.S. Don't give up without trying counseling with your boyfriend. You have a child now who needs two parents.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a male responding to the letter about women who fake orgasms. In order to demonstrate how ridiculous your response was, I am violating the most sacred secret of the male sanctuary. The truth is that men fake orgasms, too. One sure clue of faking is that immediately after the "performance," he will pretend to be totally exhausted and go right to sleep. By so doing, he leaves his woman fulfilled and happy and avoids any kind of confrontation regarding the legitimacy of his performance. Clever? -- Phoenix
Dear Phoenix, I can't resist the temptation to make a lame joke about Phoenix rising -- from the ashes, that is. Let's just say that your duplicity is noble, but I doubt you are getting away with anything.
Dear Ann Landers, I read your column about the woman who needed a breast exam and was offended that the technician was male. The ignorance of the American public about male nurses is shameful.
I am a male nurse who chose this field because I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to ease their suffering and do what I can for the sick and dying. Male nurses take the same classes as our female counterparts. We have the same training and lose the same amount of sleep, which is considerable. We work right alongside our female colleagues and are licensed by the same state board.
When I am assigned a female patient, it would never occur to me to make a pass or derive any sexual pleasure from that individual. Believe me, a hospital is not the romantic setting that the TV shows project. Please let all the female patients who read your column know that we are there only to make their hospital stay, medical tests and surgery as easy and comfortable as possible. There is no hidden agenda. -- Everywhere, USA
Dear Everywhere, Thank you for speaking so eloquently about a subject that needs airing. TV has indeed portrayed hospitals as places where romances flourish and love affairs abound. The shows may romanticize the hospital setting, but the people who work there know it is serious business.
Dear Ann Landers, You asked your readers for their views on older women marrying younger men and vice versa. I was married for 28 years to a man my own age. He divorced me and married a woman who was younger than our children. Since then, I have dated men of all ages. The older men I went out with seemed to have no sense of humor and very little passion for life. Many wanted a nurse for their old age and treated me like a dumb blonde.
I am now dating a man who is 10 years younger than I am. He is confident and sure of himself. He is not controlling, jealous or condescending. We can be silly and laugh a lot, and we can also engage in serious discussions. Some of my friends assumed the only thing we had in common was sex. Others told me to be careful because younger guys are usually looking for a mother figure.
Nevertheless, anyone who has spent time with us can see that we are well suited to each other. We share the same values and have similar interests. Whether or not anything will come of this, I don't know, but I enjoy his company and think the world of him. With a relationship as solid as ours, age is irrelevant. -- "Older Woman" Out East
Dear Woman, A few years ago, I wrote a book, and one of the chapter titles was "Age Is Only a Number, Baby!" I believed it then, and I believe it now. Some men are old at 25; others are young at 65. It's what goes on between the eyebrows and the hairline and not farther down. Here's more on the subject:
Dear Ann Landers, A while back, you printed a letter about the dangers of prostitution. I would appreciate the opportunity to tell my side of the story. I hope you will print my letter, because your assessment was not accurate.
I am a 31-year-old woman with a bachelor's degree from a well-known university. I have been a sex worker for the past 14 years and am happy with my career. It burns me up when I read studies that say we are messed-up drug addicts who were abused as children, or that we are at risk of getting beaten up or raped by our customers.
I do not deny that streetwalking is a difficult and stressful way to make a living, but not all prostitutes are streetwalkers. I work in a brothel in Nevada and would not trade my job for any other that I know of. I perform a valuable service that is legal in most counties in this state. Every woman who works out of our house gets checked by a doctor every week.
I have met some fascinating, successful, well-educated men through my profession. Many have been clients of mine for several years. I count among them doctors, lawyers, judges, college professors, politicians and business executives. I make enough money working only two weeks each month and can use the other two weeks to pursue my writing career and work toward a Ph.D.
Ann, there's a reason prostitution is called "the world's oldest profession," and it isn't going away. Instead of fighting it, we should decriminalize it everywhere. For a woman who needs to feed her children, the threat of abuse is insignificant compared with watching her babies starve before her eyes. Legal sex work makes it possible for all women to have safer, stress-free working conditions. You should endorse it. -- Magdalene at Madam Kitty's
Dear Magdalene, I caught the significance of your name choice -- from the Bible yet. It is obvious that you enjoy your work, and as I have said before, there always will be a market for what you are selling.
For many years, I have been in favor of legalizing your profession and have said so. But please do not try to persuade anyone that babies would starve if their mothers did not go into prostitution. There are many other options -- government assistance is the best known. I won't go down the list of others, but no woman in America needs to sell her body to make a living -- unless, of course, she wants to.
