Dear Ann Landers,
Our 16-year-old son recently admitted that he is having sex with his girlfriend, "Evie." It's not as if we have never discussed sex. We have had long talks with him about it and discouraged premarital intimacy. He seemed to understand the dangers, but apparently, that didn't stop him. Evie's parents are divorced, but we are friends with both of them. I think the girl should tell her parents that she is having sex so they can advise her and help her choose an appropriate method of birth control. Our son says he is using condoms, but I know they are not always 100 percent reliable. Both of these kids want to go to college, and we are concerned that an unplanned pregnancy could destroy their lives. I don't know how to get Evie to tell her parents. Her mother is a very understanding woman, so this ought not be a problem. Should I let my son know that if Evie doesn't tell her folks, I will? My husband says it is none of our business, but I say what happens to our teenage son definitely IS our business. Please advise me. -- Upset in Cape Coral, Fla.

Dear Cape Coral,
Do NOT tell the girl's parents that their daughter is having sex with your son. The young couple would consider it a betrayal, and it could poison their relationship with you for all time. It is up to Evie to tell her parents, if she chooses to do so. Although your son is demonstrating responsibility by using condoms, he should know that the failure rate for condoms is about 17 percent. A pregnancy for these two would be disastrous. Don't count on a frank discussion to change their behavior, however. Experts tell us that once teenagers become sexually active, they rarely stop. Since your son has told you what is going on, urge him to insist that the girl tell her folks so she can see a gynecologist on a regular basis. It is important that she stay healthy and informed. Some visits with the school counselor would be very helpful. I recommend it.

Dear Ann Landers,
That letter from "Jack Sprat II" really irked me. He said his wife's extra poundage turned him off. If this guy hasn't made love to his wife in four years, there's more wrong with him than diabetes and an obese wife. I am also diabetic, and my wife is 100 pounds heavier than she should be, but I love her with all my heart. Does Jack seriously think HE is as attractive as he was when they married? I'll bet he isn't. I know I'm not. His wife may need counseling to curb her overeating, but Jack could use some counseling to improve his lousy attitude and learn to appreciate the woman he has. A good woman, of any size, is hard to find. I am profoundly grateful for mine. -- Tom in Miami

Dear Tom,
Beautifully said. And now, I hope your wife appreciates YOU.

Dear Ann Landers,
Here are my spouse's excuses for avoiding sex: I'm tired. I'm too nervous. It's hot. It's cold. I'm too full. I have a headache. I have a stomachache. The kids might hear. I have to go to work. My mind is on other things. It's too early in the morning. It's too late at night. I'll bet you think this letter is from a husband complaining about his wife. You're wrong. It's from a wife complaining about her husband. He is 50 years old, and I am 40. We are both too young to be giving up sex. If you have any suggestions on how to improve this not-so-hot relationship, I'd like to hear them. - - Failing in Fresno, Calif.

Dear Fresno,
The best way to improve a "not-so-hot" relationship is to heat it up. Be subtle but persistent. It sounds as if your husband is unsure of his ability to perform sexually. He needs reassurance, praise and the knowledge that you really do care about him. Start talking.

Dear Ann Landers,
You asked your readers for their views on older women marrying younger men and vice versa. I was married for 28 years to a man my own age. He divorced me and married a woman who was younger than our children. Since then, I have dated men of all ages. The older men I went out with seemed to have no sense of humor and very little passion for life. Many wanted a nurse for their old age and treated me like a dumb blonde. I am now dating a man who is 10 years younger than I am. He is confident and sure of himself. He is not controlling, jealous or condescending. We can be silly and laugh a lot, and we can also engage in serious discussions. Some of my friends assumed the only thing we had in common was sex. Others told me to be careful because younger guys are usually looking for a mother figure. Nevertheless, anyone who has spent time with us can see that we are well suited to each other. We share the same values and have similar interests. Whether or not anything will come of this, I don't know, but I enjoy his company and think the world of him. With a relationship as solid as ours, age is irrelevant. -- "Older Woman" Out East

Dear Woman,
A few years ago, I wrote a book, and one of the chapter titles was "Age Is Only a Number, Baby!" I believed it then, and I believe it now. Some men are old at 25; others are young at 65. It's what goes on between the eyebrows and the hairline and not farther down. Here's more on the subject:

Dear Ann Landers,
I have never cheated on my wife and am absolutely certain that I never will. We have been married for five wonderful years, and our marriage is rock solid. Here's the problem: About a year ago, during a moment of passion, I happened to call out the name of my wife's best friend, "Annabelle." You can imagine my wife's reaction. Annabelle is single, in her early 20s and good-looking, and she has a terrific figure. She moved out of town three years ago. I made it clear to my wife that nothing ever went on between Annabelle and me and that calling her name was just part of a harmless fantasy. I tried to explain that fantasies are normal and I have no intention of acting them out. My wife accepted this explanation, and things seemed to be going well. Now comes the hard part. Annabelle visits us once a year and stays for a week. Her visit is coming up soon, and my wife has started to turn very cold. In fact, she's downright hostile. I know she is afraid I will be attracted to Annabelle and feels threatened. What can I do to reassure her and get things back on track? -- Faithful in Denver

Dear Denver,
Since you have had sexual fantasies about Annabelle, your wife has some justification for feeling a bit threatened. Start immediately to line up some attractive men for Annabelle to go out with when she is visiting you. Make sure you are never alone with your guest, and most importantly, concentrate on finding a substitute fantasy woman. (Any star of stage or screen will do.) And be especially affectionate to your wife in Annabelle's presence. She will appreciate it.