Dear Ann Landers,
I am engaged to a wonderful man I have known for four years. "Dudley" and I plan to be married next summer. He is a kind soul and a perfect gentleman. Everything was great until a few weeks ago, when Dudley started to hit me while he was asleep. The first time, he punched my rear end with his fist and then stopped suddenly. Last night, he hit me in the stomach twice. Both times, I woke him up and expressed astonishment. He was completely unaware of what he had done. When I asked him why he was hitting me, he said he had no recollection of doing it and wondered if maybe I dreamt it. Well, Ann, I was definitely not dreaming. Dudley did indeed hit me. I asked if he perhaps dreamed he was in a fight, and he said it was possible, but he never remembers his dreams. I find this hard to believe because I remember mine. I am truly concerned that Dudley has a subconscious wish to hurt me. Please tell me how to handle this. -- Bruised in Dallas

Dear Bruised,
It sounds as if Dudley is a mighty restless sleeper. I doubt that he wants to hurt you. He could be dreaming about a schoolyard bully or a boss he hated years ago. You would, however, be safer in twin beds. The important thing is that he doesn't hit you while he is awake.

Dear Ann Landers,
Nearly 14 million people in the United States -- one in every 13 adults -- abuse alcohol or are alcoholic. In addition, there are countless more who binge drink or who may be on the verge of developing a serious problem. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism and the National Mental Illness Screening Project are offering the first-ever National Alcohol Screening Day on Thursday, April 8. There will be 2,000 screening sites across the country, 500 of them on colleges campuses, offering free, anonymous screening sessions for a range of alcohol problems. This is an opportunity for anyone concerned about themselves or a loved one to seek education and advice in a non-threatening environment. The program can benefit college students who wonder how many drinks are considered a "binge." It can help if your spouse drinks too much or you have an alcoholic family member and are concerned about the risk of inheriting the illness. The screening can steer you in the right direction if you notice that drinking is interrupting your productivity at work or school. At the screening, participants will hear an educational presentation on alcohol problems and complete a written self-assessment survey. They will have the opportunity to talk one on one with a health professional and will be given the names and phone numbers of support services and treatment facilities in the area. All screenings are free and anonymous. Ann, please urge your readers to take advantage of this unique program. They can find a site in their area by calling 1-800-697-6700 today. No shame, no guilt, just honest questions, honest answers and a helping hand. -- Enoch Gordis, M.D., director, NIAAA, part of the National Institutes of Health

Dear Dr. Gordis,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell my readers about National Alcohol Screening Day, Thursday, April 8. Readers, especially college students, if you have any questions regarding alcohol, or if you know someone who could benefit from this anonymous screening, please call 1-800-697-6700 today to find a site in your area. It could save your life or the life of someone you love.

Dear Ann Landers,
Please print this list of warning signals to help women determine if a mate or date is a potential (or actual) batterer. Be careful if your mate displays any of the following signs: 1. Jealousy of your time with co-workers, friends and family. 2. Controlling behavior. (Controls your comings and goings and your money and insists on "helping" you make personal decisions.) 3. Isolation. (Cuts you off from supportive resources such as telephone pals and colleagues at work.) 4. Blames others for his problems. (Unemployment, family quarrels -- everything is "your fault.") 5. Hypersensitivity. (Easily upset by annoyances that are a part of daily life, such as being asked to work overtime, criticism of any kind, being asked to help with chores or child care.) 6. Cruelty to animals or children. (Insensitive to their pain and suffering, may tease and/or hurt children and pets.) 7. "Playful" use of force in sex. (May throw you down and hold you during sex. May start having sex with you when you are sleeping or demand sex when you are ill or tired.) 8. Verbal abuse. (Says cruel and hurtful things, degrades and humiliates you, wakes you up to verbally abuse you or doesn't let you go to sleep.) 9. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. (Sudden mood swings and unpredictable behavior -- one minute loving, the next minute angry and punitive.) 10. Past history of battering. (Has hit others but has a list of excuses for having been "pushed over the edge.") 11. Threats of violence. (Says, "I'll slap you," "I'll kill you," or "I'll break your neck.") 12. Breaking or striking objects. (Breaks your possessions, throws objects near or at you or your children.) 13. Uses force during an argument. (Holds you down or against a wall, pushes, shoves, slaps or kicks you. This behavior can easily escalate to choking, stabbing or shooting.) Ann, please tell your readers they don't have to accept violent behavior from anyone -- mates, dates, parents or friends. Because millions of American women will be battered at some time in their lives, they need to know how to read the warning signs. Any woman who sees herself in the column today should call the nearest women's crisis line and tell someone what is happening. She will be provided with support and safety options. There are several ways to break the cycle of violence, and identifying the warning signs is the first step. -- Portland, Ore.

Dear Oregon,
Some women do not realize they are being abused until it is pointed out to them. They have been made to believe abusive treatment is what they deserve. I hope women who see themselves in this column will look up the number of the nearest women's shelter and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) or visit thehotline.org. It could save their lives.

Dear Ann Landers,
I am writing about something that happened in our town not long ago. A woman was killed in her own home by her husband. The woman had neighbors who heard her scream for help, but they chose not to become involved. This will haunt them forever, knowing they might have saved her life and instead did nothing. I have been in a similar situation. I was out in the street one night, trying to get away from my abusive husband. He had knocked me down and was pounding my head into the pavement. I was screaming for help, but no one came. After he left me alone, a woman came out of her house and said she "hoped we had resolved our problems." Fortunately, I survived, and through Al-Anon, counseling and good friends, I finally got my life together. I know others who, like me, needed to be rescued but weren't because people "didn't want to get involved." People need to help one another. Even if they call 911 and it turns out to be a false alarm, so what? You never know when you might be saving a life. -- Santa Barbara, Calif.

Dear Santa Barbara,
There are times when MYOB is the best policy, but when someone is screaming for help is not one of those times. The next letter says it far better than anything I could come up with:

Dear Ann Landers,
You printed a letter from a woman whose husband beat her up on the street in front of their house. She wanted to know why no one came to her aid when she screamed for help. Well, there are two sides to every story. I have a neighbor who has been beaten up and seriously injured by the man she lives with, and I no longer call the police. The first time I heard her screaming, I almost broke my neck getting to the phone to call for help. Then, I knocked on her door, thinking my presence might prevent the situation from escalating. After the police came, she told them she didn't want to press charges, and that was the end of it. The second time, I heard screaming and breaking glass, and I again called the police. They arrested the man and took my neighbor to the hospital, where she had her jaw rewired and several stitches on her forehead. She refused to press charges. The next morning, her "live-in" was back in the house. That very night, he threw her down the outside concrete steps (all 15 of them), and I called the police. The woman spent several weeks in the hospital with both legs in casts. Guess what. Her live-in picked her up from the hospital and brought her home. As soon as the casts were off, he beat her up again. Now when she screams, I turn up the TV. The police are tired of coming, and I am tired of calling them. This woman needs help, but the police aren't the answer. Several neighbors have suggested that she get some counseling, but she insists that her boyfriend loves her and has promised it's going to get better. It's been nearly five years since I moved here. They are still together, and he is still beating her up. I am minding my own business. -- Gave Up in Pennsylvania

Dear Penn.,
In most cases of domestic abuse, alcohol or drugs play a big part. It's difficult to help people who refuse to help themselves, but please don't give up. Intervention by neighbors can save lives. I will continue to recommend it.