Dear Ann Landers, Several readers have written to say it was easier to get off cocaine than to give up cigarettes. I recently came across these tips written by Linda Greenhow, coordinator of the nicotine addiction program at the St. Helena Health Center in Deer Park, Calif. They may be helpful if you want to quit smoking. The information sounded good to me, and I would like to share it with you.
Staying Smoke-Free:
--Make the decision to quit.
--Set your quit date, and prepare yourself for the transition:
Become aware of your patterns of use, identifying trigger places, people and activities. Plan alternative responses.
Explore on paper your motivations for quitting. Carry a list of your top three reasons with you.
Start an exercise program to help manage stress, offset depression, combat urges and control weight.
Set up a social support system (a trusted individual who understands addiction, Nicotine Anonymous or an online support group).
Commit to "doing what it takes" to get through the short-term discomfort. Pharmaceutical support may be a consideration.
--Smoke your last cigarette, and say goodbye:
Dispose of all tobacco products and paraphernalia.
Drink lots of water to help eliminate nicotine from your system.
Take deep breaths to keep you centered.
Take action whenever an urge presents itself. Call your support people. Pray. Take a walk. Stretch. The urge WILL pass.
Envision yourself already smoke-free.
--Modify your lifestyle to support your smoke-free status:
Change your daily routines to avoid old triggers.
Develop a schedule of rewards for yourself to offset any sense of deprivation. Avoid high-risk situations, such as use of mood-altering drugs, being with smokers, being alone with tobacco present or getting too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, anxious or bored.
Develop new interests to give your life a positive focus, and re-direct your energy.
Commit time and energy to activities that reinforce and reward your new, non-smoking lifestyle. It is one of the toughest battles of all, and you deserve a pat on the back.
Dear Ann Landers, My ex-husband and I have two young daughters. It seems that as the girls get older, their father is less interested in having a role in their lives.
Dear Ann Landers, When I married "Glenn" eight years ago, I knew his parents were divorced, but I didn't realize they both had been married and divorced four times.
Last year, Glenn and I were having a difficult period in our relationship. I decided to talk to his parents about it, hoping they could provide some help and insight. Instead, I was shocked by their attitude.
When I told my mother-in-law that Glenn, age 36, had declared bankruptcy for the second time, she said the banks were at fault for giving him money and charging such high interest rates. When I told her he has a gambling problem, she said there was nothing wrong with gambling, that a lot of people make a living playing poker, and that somebody has to win and it could be him. When I explained that he always spends more than he makes, she said, "So what? A lot of people have that problem."
My father-in-law compared Glenn's gambling addiction to investing money in the stock market, saying, "Glenn just takes different risks." Both in-laws told me there are plenty of women who would be willing to overlook his addiction. They also let me know they will be leaving him their entire estate (over a half-million dollars) when they die, so we won't have to worry about money. Frankly, at the rate Glenn gambles, a half-million dollars wouldn't last very long.
I was appalled at my in-laws' lack of any moral conviction. They never spoke about honesty, personal integrity or the danger of a gambling addiction. I came from a foreign country and was raised by parents who believed it was important to behave honorably and that the family name should never be tarnished. How do I handle this? -- Arlington, Va.
Dear Arlington, It is apparent that Glenn was not raised the way you were. You say you were having a difficult time with your relationship last year. It sounds as if you were willing to sweep a lot under the rug in order to stay with Glenn. You don't say whether or not you have children. That would be important for me to know in order to give you some solid advice.
You need to have some sessions with a marriage counselor. It sounds as if your relationship is on shaky ground. I urge you to ask Glenn to go with you. The man was raised by parents who made excuses for all his failures and weaknesses. He is in desperate need of some self-understanding. A competent marriage counselor could be a godsend to you both.
Dear Ann Landers, I just got a phone call from my son. He said, "I've been arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to distribute." I knew he had used marijuana on occasion, but I'm sure he never tried to sell it. A lawyer told me if someone is caught with marijuana, chances are the police will add "intent to distribute," even in the absence of supporting evidence. The accusation of intent changes the crime from a misdemeanor to a felony.
Ann, my son is a good kid who attends college and has a part-time job. He didn't hurt anyone. He didn't steal anything. He didn't cheat anybody. He was caught with marijuana for his own personal use, and for this, he could get 30 years in prison.
He has never gotten so much as a parking ticket.
I don't approve of smoking grass, nor do I approve of smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol. But this punishment seems excessive. I can't help but think of the thousands of families who have suffered this same horror. These harsh laws hurt us all. People who criminalize marijuana believe users are dangerous addicts in dark trench coats, lurking near playgrounds, ready to pounce on young children.
I plead for compassion for those who are hurting only themselves when they use dangerous substances. What they need is counseling and medical intervention, not prison. Harsh laws don't work. Furthermore, it costs us a fortune in taxes to prosecute and incarcerate people who pose no danger to society. Enough. -- A Sad Mother in Va.
Dear Sad Mother, I'm sad about your son's predicament. If the police added "intent to distribute" without real evidence, your son will need the help of a competent lawyer who can get those charges dismissed.
I have long believed the laws regarding marijuana are too harsh. Those who keep pot for their own personal use should not be treated as criminals. Thirty years in prison makes no sense whatsoever. I'm with you.
Dear Ann Landers, The recent letters you printed concerning parents whose underage children are drinking raises a critical point that cannot be overstated: Parental involvement is crucial to raising drug-free and alcohol-free kids.
The most recent national survey for the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found that teens who drink, smoke or use pot are less likely to tell their parents where they are on weekends, less likely to have a parent at home after school and less likely to rely on parents' opinions when they make important decisions. They are also less likely to attend religious services regularly.
Nearly half of 13-year-olds say their parents have never discussed the dangers of illegal drugs with them. The survey also found that teens who have tried marijuana say their friends had the most influence over their decision. Teens who have chosen not to smoke pot say their parents influenced them most. The bottom line? Parents have more clout than they think. They should use it. -- Joseph A. Califano Jr., chairman and president, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University
Dear Joseph Califano, Your letter places the responsibility right where it belongs: on the parents. They need to know where their kids are at all times, who they are with and what they are doing. And it doesn't hurt to set a good example. Parents who smoke, drink excessively and use bad language should not be surprised when their children do the same. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.
