Dear Ann Landers,
My mother left us when I was 6 and my brother was 10. That was 25 years ago. Even though Mom showed up for holidays and birthdays, we were raised solely by my father. When Dad passed away three years ago, Mom had a nervous breakdown and started to drink excessively. We know she is manic-depressive, and now we believe she is also an alcoholic. She has battled depression her entire life. The problem is that Mom lives alone, but she quit her job six months ago, and we have no idea how she is supporting herself. When we ask about her financial situation, she refuses to talk about it. If we offer money, she won't take it. My brother and I suspect there isn't much money left from Mom's savings, and we worry what will happen once that money is gone. My husband and I invited Mom to live with us, but we told her she would have to stop smoking and drinking and take her medication regularly. She refused. I do not have a close, loving relationship with my mother, but I still feel responsible for her and want to help. She started going to AA meetings again, and we are hopeful this will work, but it's hard to trust her. She has tried AA before and could never stick with the program. Should I allow her to move into my home, even though she still smokes and may not be able to stay off the booze? I am confused and lost. Please tell me what to do. -- Bowie, Md.

Dear Bowie,
If you allow your mother to move into your home, the results could be disastrous, but please give her one last chance. I strongly recommend that you check out Al-Anon (it's in your phone book), and learn how others with similar problems are dealing with theirs. The fact that your mother is seeking help bodes well for her recovery. I wish her luck, and you, too, dear.

Dear Ann Landers,
am a patient in a mental hospital. I know I am ill, just as a person who has pneumonia is ill. I know, too, that my ill-ness is temporary and that I am getting better. One day, I will be a use-ful citizen and perhaps even contribute something to society. I am writing this letter in the hope that people who have friends and relatives in mental institutions will have a better understanding of the mental patient and his needs. More than anything, we need to know we are not forgotten. On the Fourth of July, we were served a lovely chicken dinner, and there was a movie afterward. I would gladly have exchanged the dinner and the movie for just one visitor. I have a daughter, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and cousins, but no one dropped by to say hello. I'm not the only person who waits week after week for a visitor. It's as if our people are ashamed of us and don't wish to remember we are here. We patients discuss this often-never in a self-pitying way, only with a feeling of sadness because others do not understand. The staff here is wonderful. What grand people they are-but we are so many, and they are so few. They do what they can, but nothing builds morale like a visit with family or friends. These links with the outside, more than anything else, speed a patient's recovery. Please print this letter. It is too long, I know, but perhaps you can trim it so it will fit in the paper. You could help so many by passing this word. God bless you. -A Patient Patient

Dear Patient,
Thank you for your beautiful letter. Yes, it's about twice as long as most letters that appear in this column, but I couldn't bear to cut a word of it. So here it is-as you wrote it. Depression strikes more than 17 million Americans each year. Unfortunately, fewer than half the people with depression actually seek treatment. Depression can result in serious disturbances in every aspect of life. Unlike sadness or athe bluesf depression does not respond to good news and can last for months or years if left untreated.

Dear Ann Landers,
Two weeks ago, when I came home from the supermarket, I found a note from my husband saying there was too much pressure in his life and he needed to get away. I immediately checked our bedroom and found that all his clothes were gone. A few days later, I learned he already had another apartment and a new phone number, which proved he had been planning his escape for quite some time. I had an awful feeling of betrayal when I realized that the person I had been sleeping next to for so many years would plan to sneak off and leave me without saying a word. The note he left said he would contact me in a few days. It has been nearly a week, and I haven't heard from him. My friends tell me I should phone him and find out exactly what he has in mind, but I don't want to do that. After all, he is the one who left, and I think he should make the first move. Please give me some advice. -- Confused in the Midwest

Dear Midwest,
Don't rush. Let the dust settle. Wait another week. If you don't hear anything by then, call and tell him you need to know what his plans are so you can make yours. You gave me no clue as to your age, how long you have been married or what your financial status is. If I knew more about your situation, I could be more helpful. Good luck.

Dear Ann Landers,
I want to respond to your column on cross-dressing. My dear husband of many years passed away suddenly. We had a good marriage, and I loved him with all my heart. After he died, I cleaned out his workshop, which was piled to the ceiling with projects he hadn't finished and stuff he had accumulated over the years. I seldom went in there unless I needed a hammer or screwdriver. While cleaning, I found evidence that my devoted, loving husband was a secret transvestite. There were dozens of boxes of women's clothing, underwear, shoes and wigs, and magazines about cross-dressing in the closet and on the shelves. Apparently, he had been engaging in this activity for a very long time. Our sex life was good, and I thought our marriage was solid, but now, I'm depressed and upset because I feel I was married to a man I didn't really know. It also makes me wonder if he had any gay friends and if he went beyond just dressing up. All the precious memories I had of my husband have been besmirched. I cannot talk to anyone about this because he was prominent in our community, and I don't want to tarnish his good name. I am just thankful our son and daughter didn't insist on helping me clean out their father's things. I refuse to let anyone give me a hand with his closets and bureau drawers because I would rather die than have it known he had this weird side to him. Please, Ann, warn your readers who have secrets like my husband to come clean with their families or make sure they don't leave any evidence behind. I am -- Devastated in Texas

Dear Texas,
I hope you will change your mind and talk to a professional about your distress so you can come to terms with your husband's secret. Since my recent letter on cross-dressing appeared, I have received a ton of responses. Keep reading for more: From Mansfield, Ohio: I am a 33-year-old cross-dresser, and I definitely am not gay. I am engaged to be married to a lovely young woman who knows all about my "hobby" and shares my pleasure in it. She helps comb my wigs and puts red polish on my nails when I get dressed for "strutting." It is too bad more people don't understand that this is a harmless outlet for sexual tension. St. Thomas, Virgin Islands: Women have been wearing slacks, tuxedos, fedoras and men's shirts for years, and nobody seems to think it's strange. So why all the hubbub about men who want to wear feminine clothes? I don't get it. Chicago: I am a woman who wears men's clothing because it is much more comfortable than frills and lace. I can't understand why a man would want to wear nylons and high heels if he didn't have to. Buffalo, N.Y.: People who think cross-dressing is simply "dressing up" are fooling themselves. This activity is sexually satisfying, and those who deny it are not being honest. Bloomington, Ind.: Why all the flap about cross-dressing? In Scotland, those hearty fellows have been wearing skirts for centuries (they are called kilts), and nobody would dare question their virility. Raleigh, N.C.: I know from reading your column that there are women who can adjust to a cross-dressing husband and it is fine with them, but when such behavior causes anguish for a wife, it can destroy the marriage. I know because it happened to mine. Montreal, Quebec: The line between what is masculine and what is feminine has become noticeably blurred. Michael Jordan, an American icon, wears an earring, and no person in his right mind would ever question his masculinity.

Dear Ann Landers,
ou printed a letter from a reader who said he was desperately unhappy and wanted to kill himself. He had already started to save up pills and was just about to do the deed when he picked up a copy of Reader's Digest. His eyes fell on an article that changed his mind. Lately, I have been having suicidal thoughts and think maybe that article might be helpful. Will you please print it? -Zydo

Dear Zydo,
I've had more than 500 requests for that article, which originally appeared in June 1985.1 know it has saved lives. Here it is: Before You Kill Yourself Renee T. Lucero, R.N. You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine-but before you kill yourself, there are some things you should know. I am a psychiatric nurse, and I see the results of suicide-when it works and, more often, when it doesn't. Consider, before you act, these facts: Suicide is usually not successful. You think you know a way to guarantee it? Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone. What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leaped from a building. Now he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But worst of all, he knows he used to be normal. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go. What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his “foolproof' suicide. You might, too. Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning crews may refuse that job-but some-one has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hanged yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? The carefully worded “loving” suicide note is no help. Those who loved you will never completely recover. They'll feel regret and an un-ending pain. Suicide is contagious. Look around at your family. Look closely at the 4-year-old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it 10 years from now. You do have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hot line. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police. They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a day or a month away. You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with what-ever you have left.