Dear Ann Landers,
I live in a nice suburb and have two well-adjusted children, a 6-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. The problem is the 12-year-old boy who lives three doors away. He really is strange. I rarely see him with children his own age. He often plays with kids who are much younger than he is, including my own. Other neighbors have mentioned this boy's peculiar and unpredictable nature. They do not trust him. He once bit a child and knocked another boy off his bicycle. Recently, I had a basketball hoop installed in our driveway. As soon as the hoop went up, the boy started to play there. After a week of showing up in our driveway, I told him he had to ring our bell and ask permission. After repeated attempts to get permission, with little success, he finally got the message. He then began peering in our windows like a Peeping Tom to see whether anyone was home so he could ring our bell. This spooked my wife. Frankly, I don't want this boy around my house or my children. His father is a friendly guy but travels three weeks out of the month. His mother is cold and distant. Meanwhile, the boy continues to hang around our property. Should I discuss my concern with the boy's father or simply continue to discourage his presence around our house? Please help. -- Worried Parent in Illinois

Dear Worried Parent,
That child needs to be seen by a professional for evaluation. His behavior suggests that he has some problems that need attention. You should talk to the boy's father about your concerns, which sound legitimate to me. Meanwhile, make sure that an adult is present whenever he plays with your children.

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband, "Jim," and I have been married for two years. We dated for almost nine years before we married. Jim has always been moody and suffers from depression. I have suggested counseling and anti-depressant medication, but he refuses to get any help at all. Last summer, Jim and I got into a typical married-couple argument. It was no big deal, but he completely lost his temper. He threw our coffee table across the room and punched a hole in the wall over my head. He never apologized, and I let the incident blow over. Last Sunday, we had another minor disagreement. I left the room, and when I returned, Jim had thrown the Sunday paper in the trashcan, even though he knew I hadn't read it. I yelled at him, so he went into the kitchen and dumped the entire can of garbage into the middle of the living room. Later that evening, I told him I was not going to tolerate living in a house where things are thrown. He replied, "There are three doors in this place. Pick any one if you feel like leaving." I love Jim, but I fear his volatile behavior. I avoid arguments and don't complain about things because I hate confrontations with him. I am at the end of my rope. What should I do? -- Trying To Save My Marriage in Chicago

Dear Chicago,
Tell Jim, "Either get into counseling for anger management, or GET OUT." That man is making your life a living hell, and you should not have to put up with it. For his good, as well as for those who must be around him, Jim needs to face up to his problem and deal with it. You also need to protect yourself.

Dear Ann Landers,
I suspect my wife of six years is having an affair. She means a great deal to me, and I don't want a divorce. My suspicions are beginning to wreck my personal and professional life, and I don't know what to do. I recently heard of a TV show that investigates and catches cheating spouses on film. I am seriously considering contacting the producers. Do you think my wife and I would be able to reconcile if I had her investigated and caught her on this show? -- Just Asking in the Big D

Dear Big D,
If you had your wife investigated, and she were caught cheating, and it later appeared on TV, your marriage would not stand the chance of the proverbial snowball in hell. I think you need some professional help, Mister. Please get it.

Dear Ann Landers,
This is one of my favorite columns. It reminds us that too many people don't take time to smell the roses. I am 84 and enjoying every day. -- Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
This is Ann talking. Erma was a dear friend and truly an original. The likes of her will not soon pass this way again. If I Had My Life to Live Over By Erma Bombeck If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television -- and more while watching real life. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream. I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day. I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more I love yous, more I'm sorrys, more I'm listenings, but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it, look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.

Dear Ann Landers,
I'm writing about your response to "Perplexed Grandmother," who said she drove for hours with her "brilliant" granddaughter and there was zero communication. Not a word was spoken. I have a brother who is also brilliant -- with a Ph.D. in applied mathematics. As a child, he solved complicated mathematical problems in his sleep, but he had zero communication skills and was considered "stuck up." As a grown man, he is still incapable of small talk, and his communication skills haven't improved. The "genius" is currently on his third wife and has very little to do with his siblings or parents. People seldom measure up to his expectations, so he writes them off. I have a different theory on why brilliant people often have trouble establishing and maintaining relationships. Maybe their heads are so crowded with information that there is no room to think about family and friends. -- Washington, D.C.

Dear D.C.,
Your theory that brilliant people are incapable of forging close relationships is flawed. Normal people can have this problem, too. Keep reading for more: From Lebanon, N.J.: Your advice to "Perplexed Grandmother," who could barely get a word out of her brilliant granddaughter on a three-hour car trip, missed the mark. My over-educated ex-husband was the same way. He has a Ph.D. in engineering from an Ivy League school and was a permanent fixture on the Dean's List. We would drive for hours, and all I would get was a grunt in response to any question or comment. Often, to get his attention, I would say, "Planet Earth calling Johnny. Come in for a landing." Tell Grandma not to be offended. Her "brilliant" granddaughter may be book smart, but she needs to brush up on her people skills if she wants to make it in this competitive world. Bowie, Md.: I disagree with your advice to "Perplexed Grandmother," who couldn't make conversation with her granddaughter. Could it be that the young woman felt her grandmother was bombarding her non-stop with intrusive and irritating questions? I know how she feels. A dear friend of mine says I'm a clam, while I consider a conversation with her to be a cross-examination. Add to the mix her tendency to pass on bits and pieces of our conversations, and you get the picture. St. Catharines, Ontario: I was interested in the letter about the grandmother who was critical of her granddaughter because she couldn't get a conversation going during a three-hour car ride. That problem started long ago. I know because I have the same situation with my granddaughter. I spoke to "Mary's" mother about this, and she said, "Don't feel bad. That's the way it is with all young people today." Is she right? P.S. I never baked cookies, but I did send checks -- several of them -- and I paid for her education. Dear St. Catharines: No, she is not right. The generation gap is not as difficult to bridge today as it once was. Many "grannies" are now very much with it. The problem with some granny-teenager connections is that the closeness was not established at an early age. Too bad, but it is never too late to start, and it's up to Granny to make the move.