Dear Ann Landers,
Last New Year's Eve, my 15-year-old daughter had a party for her friends, under my supervision, of course. At midnight, while I was busy passing out soft drinks and food, I turned around to see "John," my 40-year-old boyfriend, kissing one of my daughter's 16-year-old friends. This was no ordinary peck on the cheek. The kiss was on the lips, and John's hands were planted firmly on her behind. The girl's arms were wrapped around his neck. When I confronted Mr. Hot Stuff later that night, he said he'd had too much to drink and didn't know what he was doing. John has apologized at least five times, but I can't seem to get that steamy scene out of my mind. He is a caring, wonderful man with a heart of gold, and we get along very well. As far as I know, he has been 100 percent faithful. Until this happened, I was sure he was Mr. Right. Should I forgive him for this one lapse, or is it a red flag that signifies a major character flaw? I need your advice. -- Unsure in Columbia, Ohio

Dear Columbia,
I opt for the one-lapse explanation this time. Accept it. Alcohol can do strange things. Consider this a dead issue, and suggest that John stick to cola on future occasions.

Dear Ann Landers,
Here are my spouse's excuses for avoiding sex: I'm tired. I'm too nervous. It's hot. It's cold. I'm too full. I have a headache. I have a stomachache. The kids might hear. I have to go to work. My mind is on other things. It's too early in the morning. It's too late at night. I'll bet you think this letter is from a husband complaining about his wife. You're wrong. It's from a wife complaining about her husband. He is 50 years old, and I am 40. We are both too young to be giving up sex. If you have any suggestions on how to improve this not-so-hot relationship, I'd like to hear them. - - Failing in Fresno, Calif.

Dear Fresno,
The best way to improve a "not-so-hot" relationship is to heat it up. Be subtle but persistent. It sounds as if your husband is unsure of his ability to perform sexually. He needs reassurance, praise and the knowledge that you really do care about him. Start talking.

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 26-year-old woman with a problem. When I was in high school, I cheated on my steady boyfriend with an older man. I discovered I was pregnant and was sure the older man was the father of the baby. Last December, after eight years of paying child support, the man requested a DNA test to determine paternity. I was stunned when it turned out that my daughter isn't his after all. Here's the real problem. When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend asked if the baby was his, and I assured him it was not. That boyfriend is now happily married and has children. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost six years, and he wants to adopt my daughter. Should I try to contact my old boyfriend and disrupt his life by telling him he has a daughter? Part of me feels he is entitled to know, but another part worries that I would only mess up more lives. Please tell me what to do. -- Kitty in K.C.

Dear Kitty in K.C.,
I'm with the part of you that says leave it alone. If any of my readers think otherwise, I would like to hear their reasoning.

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have a wonderful marriage and two terrific children. The problem I am writing about involves my husband's brother. He is gay. "Rick" is a great person and a devoted uncle to our children. Until now, we haven't had a problem with Rick or his live-in companion, "Dennis." Our children think of Dennis as their uncle's friend. The two of them have been together for 20 years. Everything was fine until Rick and Dennis decided to get "married" and asked our 9-year-old daughter to be the flower girl at their wedding. I am raising my children to believe that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. I do not want my daughter to participate in Rick's wedding. My husband feels the same way. In fact, he doesn't even want to go. So far, the only comment my daughter has made is "I am too old to be a flower girl." I am not prejudiced against gay people, Ann, but I do not condone that lifestyle, either. Please tell me what to do. -- Dilemma in the Dairy State

Dear Dilemma,
Gay couples who wish to have a ceremony to celebrate their union should not be asking a 9-year-old to participate. It would be too confusing. A service for those in the inner circle would be OK, but please, no children. Tell your brother-in-law that your daughter will not be participating. (P.S. I agree with her that a 9-year-old is a bit beyond the "flower girl" range.)

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband has been clinically depressed for most of his adult life. A while back, "Herman" began seeing a female therapist who focused on my husband's early years to see whether something in his childhood might be the cause of his depression. His therapist discovered that during adolescence, Herman had been a cross-dresser. He apparently had worn women's clothing in his early teens but repressed it as an adult. Now Herman wants my permission to express this part of his personality around the house. He says he would not go out in public. This disgusts me, Ann. The thought of my husband in makeup, wig and high heels makes my skin crawl. His therapist told me I need to be more tolerant. She doesn't seem to think his behavior is abnormal or sick. Herman is artistic and sensitive, a gourmet cook and an avid sportsman. More importantly, he is a terrific father to our two sons. I used to think he was the most masculine man alive. Now I don't see how I ever can look at him the same way or stop wondering whether he is gay. I don't want to break up our marriage, but if anyone found out about the makeup, wigs and high heels, I would be devastated. I need your advice. -- N. Carolina

Dear N. Carolina,
You need to have a better understanding of your husband's cross-dressing. Herman is a transvestite. Some transvestites are gay, but many are not. They get their thrills from dressing up in women's clothing, but that's as far as it goes. Please go to the public library and read up on the subject. The more you know the less you will fear it.