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Dear Ann Landers,
This letter is no gag. I look like Paul Newman, and it is ruining my life. I'm thirty years old, happily married, and the father of three children. I'm a steady churchｿｽgoer. The girl who runs the elevator in this building takes me down to the basement, pushes the stop button, and tries to get friendly. The baby-sitter keeps asking me to kiss her good night when I drive her home because I am so "mature" and she is sick of high-school boys. When I stop at a lunch counter, women come over and ask for my autograph. I tell them they are mistaken, but they sit down and want to get acquainted. Yesterday my wife saw me having a cup of coffee with a beautiful young girl from the office who has been making a pest of herself lately. I may be in a little trouble at home. Please give me some help.--Case of Mistaken Identity

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: children, relationships, family
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am the grandmother of a child who was put up for adoption. It was an open adoption, which means the adoptive parents send my son photographs and letters so he knows how his child is doing. The adoptive parents are lovely people, and my grandson is doing wonderfully. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for them. Every Christmas and birthday, I send gifts to my grandson because I want him to know I care about him. The adoptive parents have a second child, and I make sure to send gifts to that child, too. The rest of my family disagrees with this. They say I should distance myself from the boy and stop keeping in touch with the adoptive parents. Tell me, Ann, are they right? Is it a mistake for me to maintain a relationship with this child? The adoptive parents have never asked me to back off, nor has my son objected to my presence in the boy's life. Christmas will be here soon, and I would appreciate your opinion. -- Torn in Texas

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: manners, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Your advice to "A Split Opinion in the Midwest" left a lot to be desired. The woman who wrote wanted to keep her maiden name after marriage. Her husband, however, insisted that she take HIS name. You suggested she compromise by using her maiden name professionally and her husband's name socially. I compromised by hyphenating our names when we married. It's made my husband happy, but I feel a tinge of resentment every time I sign my name. Of course, it is too late to change back to my maiden name, because people will assume we are getting a divorce, so I am stuck with my hyphenated name. There are few things in life as personal as one's name. "Split's" fiance should not ask her to do something he would not be willing to do himself. After all, SHE is the one who has to live with her choice, not him. A fiance should make only those decisions regarding HIS name and give his future wife the same privilege. -- Mrs. Been There-Done That

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments
Tags: marriage

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Section: children, relationships, sexuality, dating
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Last New Year's Eve, my 15-year-old daughter had a party for her friends, under my supervision, of course. At midnight, while I was busy passing out soft drinks and food, I turned around to see "John," my 40-year-old boyfriend, kissing one of my daughter's 16-year-old friends. This was no ordinary peck on the cheek. The kiss was on the lips, and John's hands were planted firmly on her behind. The girl's arms were wrapped around his neck. When I confronted Mr. Hot Stuff later that night, he said he'd had too much to drink and didn't know what he was doing. John has apologized at least five times, but I can't seem to get that steamy scene out of my mind. He is a caring, wonderful man with a heart of gold, and we get along very well. As far as I know, he has been 100 percent faithful. Until this happened, I was sure he was Mr. Right. Should I forgive him for this one lapse, or is it a red flag that signifies a major character flaw? I need your advice. -- Unsure in Columbia, Ohio

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: manners, relationships, work
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a postal clerk, and every day, I see many cards, letters and packages sent to our mail recovery center (formerly known as the dead letter branch) because people do not put return addresses on the items they mail. I find it disturbing when mail that is undeliverable cannot be returned to the senders to let them know it didn't reach its destination. Think of the thank you notes, love letters, invitations and condolence cards that never got delivered because of illegible addresses. And imagine the hard feelings, disappointment, misunderstandings and broken relationships that resulted because senders didn't take the time to write their return addresses. When there is no acknowledgment of having received the gift, the sender assumes the recipient has poor manners. This problem could be remedied so easily. Return address labels are inexpensive, and it takes only a minute to affix them. Please, Ann, do your readers and the Postal Service a favor by printing this letter. It really IS important. -- Concerned Postal Clerk in N. Dakota

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I read something in the paper a while back that gave me an idea. I need your advice on whether to do it. The problem: a husband who would rather go fishing and hunting with the boys than be with me.

The following news story appeared on the Associated Press wire:

A woman in Isanti, Minn., got fed up with her husband's absenteeism. He, too, was a fishing and hunting nut. She ran the following ad on his birthday:

"Husband for sale cheap. Comes complete with hunting and fishing equipment. Also one pair of jeans, two shirts, a Lab retriever and 25 pounds of deer meat. Not home much between September and January or April through October. Will consider trade."

When the first few calls came from interested women, her husband thought it was amusing. But by the second day, the phone was ringing off the wall. He didn't think it was so funny.

A few days later, she ran a second ad saying it was all a joke and she had decided to keep her husband after all. I'd say the little lady scored a victory.

How about it, Ann? Should I do likewise?
--Fifty Pounds of Deer Meat, 30 Quails, 40 Mallards, 20 Trout and 2 Marlins

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: general-health, sexuality
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My boyfriend and I have a beautiful 9-month-old baby. We live together and adore this child. Here's the problem. My cousin, "Nellie," has a boyfriend who is HIV positive. I know for a fact that she is having unprotected sex with him. I strongly suspect that Nellie is HIV positive, but I have no proof, and Nellie has never brought up the subject. When Nellie came to our house last week, she kissed our baby on his hands and face. The baby then placed his hands in her mouth and then back into his own mouth. I felt extremely uncomfortable about this, especially since the baby is teething and any kind of germ could easily get into the openings in his gums. I realize it is unlikely, if not impossible, to transmit HIV through saliva, but this still makes me uneasy. Nellie doesn't realize we are aware of her sexual behavior, because we were told in confidence. I don't know how to approach her about this and am reluctant to have her visit. Is it possible our baby will contract HIV this way? Please help me. I am turning into a nervous wreck. -- Upset Mom in Calif.

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: pets, manners
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I just read the letter from "Pat in Avon, Ind.," about the caged dog next door. My neighbor's dog is tied on a short leash, day and night, to a shack in the corner of their backyard. He barks incessantly, and it really gets to me. That poor creature is ignored, except when the owners hit him for no reason. Like Pat in Avon, I approached my neighbors about this cruel and inhumane treatment and was told to shut up and mind my own business. You advised Pat to call the humane society. Well, Ann, I called the ASPCA and was told that as long as the dog is provided with food, water and shelter and receives medical attention when needed, they can do nothing. Something must be done to change the law so these defenseless animals can be helped. What do you suggest? -- Dog Lover in New York

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section:
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My in-laws are nice people, but they cannot seem to be on time for anything. Last Saturday, they showed up two hours late for dinner. They made the usual tiresome excuses, but there were no apologies, and I know it will happen again before long. My wife gets annoyed, but she would never confront her parents. They are extremely sensitive to criticism and sulk if anyone expresses disapproval of their behavior. I don't want to be the bad guy, but this is getting to me. You've always said, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." How can I handle this without starting a major family feud? -- Too Many Times in Kentucky

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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Section: family, teenagers, behavior
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
You have printed several letters from lonely grandparents who wonder why they never hear from their grandchildren. I'm a man who has the reverse of that problem. I've been happily married for 21 years and have a teenage daughter and son. Since the day our children were born, my widowed mother has shown absolutely no interest in them whatsoever. I cannot understand this. Our children are every parent's dream. They are bright, well-mannered, respectful and a joy to be around. When the kids were young, my mother made it clear she did not want to baby-sit, so we never asked her. When we make the 200-mile trip to her town, it's as if my wife and kids are invisible. She talks incessantly about her friends and social activities but never directs any conversation toward our children. The only acknowledgment she has ever given them is an annual birthday card. The one time she came to our home, she sat on the edge of the sofa and kept saying she needed to leave as soon as possible. She went home the next morning. Am I expecting too much? My mother is in her 70s and is an intelligent woman. My children would love to have a caring grandmother, and I wish I could find a stand-in for them. At this point, I no longer want to visit my mother and subject my children to her indifference. Do you have any ideas on how to get her to warm up? -- Sad Son in N.C.

November 30, 2014 - 25 comments

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"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass."
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