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Section: general-health
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Recently, a reader sent in a "sure cure" for a headache. He said it worked every time. It went something like this: Take a banana, and peel it. Tape half of the banana peel to your forehead with adhesive and the rest to the back of your head. He said the headache should be gone in 20 minutes. I don't get headaches often, but the day I read that column, I had a killer migraine. Although people say you shouldn't put bananas in the refrigerator, I always do, and that is where I found my "lifesaver." I used commercial duct tape to keep half the banana peel on my forehead and the other half on the back of my neck. Ann, in less than 30 minutes, my headache was gone. I phoned my husband, a chemistry teacher, and told him about my miraculous cure. He said, "That was no miracle. You apparently had a potassium deficiency in your system, and the banana filled it." Mystery solved. -- Greensboro, N.C.

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Section: general-health, children, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am raising my 7-year-old granddaughter because her parents are divorced. I am concerned that the girl has an eating disorder. She eats no fruits or vegetables, and if I offer her something she doesn't like, she gags. I realize children can be fussy eaters, but the reason I suspect a serious problem is because the girl's mother eats exactly the same way. My ex-daughter-in-law eats only at fast-food restaurants and limits herself to chicken and fish (fried, of course). She told me she has NEVER eaten a piece of fruit or a vegetable in her entire life. This woman is 29 years old. Her mother and brothers eat like this, too. I'm at my wits' end to help my granddaughter eat a more healthy diet. When I try to force nutritious food on her, she throws up. I am worried about her health, Ann, and need some advice. -- Frustrated Grandma in Kentucky

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Section:
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
March 1 was the second anniversary of my husband's death. We were high school sweethearts in the early '40s, and he served in the Navy in World War II. We were three months away from our 50th anniversary when he died suddenly. Since then, I have learned to appreciate the pain others have suffered after losing a loved one, especially a spouse. I have been lucky to have a positive attitude because the challenges are endless -- loneliness, cooking for one, dealing with everyday problems that you once shared, trying to make a life without him. Thank God for attentive children, friends and the church. Their support is getting me through these sad months. I hope those who know widows or widowers will invite them for dinner or tea occasionally, or just offer friendship. In this busy world, it is easy to forget those in need. For elders who are lucky enough to still have their spouses -- please overlook their faults, and enjoy every minute you have together. -- Missing Him in Va.

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Section: children, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband's mother passed away four years ago. His father remarried not long after, but my husband hasn't taken to his stepmother very well. He never speaks to her unless he absolutely has to. Although there never has been an argument or a fight between them, the tension is obvious, and it is uncomfortable for everyone. About two months ago, I had a long talk with my father-in-law and let him know that his son wanted a closer relationship. The minute I opened my mouth, his wife jumped in, made all kinds of accusations and stormed out. I admit I might not have been very diplomatic in my approach, but I figured it was best to be honest and lay my cards on the table. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do. I have apologized to his wife for being so frank, but I cannot change the way I feel. Now, the woman avoids us completely, and I think she is persuading my father-in-law to do the same. I am afraid I have made things worse, and now, I want to make the situation better. Any ideas? -- Lost in Louisiana

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Section: manners, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Our son and his wife have separated after two months of marriage and will be divorcing shortly. They want to know what to do about the wedding gifts. Should gifts be returned when the marriage does not last six months? Many friends have said their gifts should be kept and that my son and his wife should divide them. Gifts of money were spent already on the honeymoon and on furnishing the house. - Splitsville in Wyoming

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Section: relationships, children
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My ex-husband and I divorced 18 years ago. He told me he no longer loved me and that family life was not for him. He agreed to counseling, but of course, it was a waste of time. The counselor later told me it was obvious that I wanted counseling to save the marriage, but my ex agreed to it only to appease me and intended on getting a divorce once the charade was over. We had been married 14 years and had two children, ages 7 and 5. It was not easy for me. My ex remarried six months after the divorce was final. I married again 10 years later. My 23-year-old daughter recently asked her father why we were divorced. He replied, "Because your mother was having an affair." I am furious with him for telling such a lie. Fortunately, my daughter did not believe him, but it's possible he has repeated that same lie to everyone he knows. I get angry every time I think about it, but don't know if I should confront him. Please, Ann, tell me what to do. -- Innocent in Stamford, Conn.

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Section: relationships, family, gender, marriage, money
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
One day last weekend, my parents popped in just as my husband and I finished lunch. It was one of those rare occasions when my husband had offered to do the dishes. I was shocked when my mother asked, "Why is HE doing the dishes?" My mother has always been very traditional when it comes to women's roles, and her disapproving remark annoyed me. Wishing to avoid a confrontation, I simply did not respond. What I SHOULD have said was "Maybe because this is the '90s and I work, too." I could have added, "Maybe because I spackled and sanded and painted all the bedroom walls. Maybe because I ripped up the carpet on the stairs, pulled nails and repainted the stairway. Maybe because I go to his shop and do sanding for him while he builds kitchens for a living. Maybe because I helped him put a new floor in the upstairs bathroom. Maybe because I help him unload wood from his pickup truck. Maybe because I'm usually the one who hauls two large garbage cans filled with trash down the road to be collected. Maybe because I'm constantly picking up after him, cooking his meals and doing his laundry. Maybe because we do things for each other and I shouldn't be made to feel guilty if he does the dishes once in a while." I'd love to write more, Ann, but I've got to mop the kitchen floor and start preparing Sunday's dinner. HIS family is coming over. If my mother reads this, I've got another shocker for her. He cooks, too. And now, if I could only get him to sew. -- Doing It All in Binghamton, N.Y.

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Section: behavior, dating, marriage, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
"Smarter Now in Florida" wanted to know what kind of person looks for companionship through personal ads. I can tell her. They are the same "losers" who look for employment in the classifieds because they have exhausted all other possibilities and are pretty darned desperate. And how about us morons who look in the newspaper to find a used car, kitchen appliances and "like-new" TV sets? Heaven help us! Haven't we any other resources? Not all of us can go to an Ivy League college and meet Mr. or Ms. Right on campus. Nor do we all work in a profession that allows us a large circle of acquaintances with similar interests. Take night classes? Do volunteer work? Know what we'll find? Two hundred women in full war paint and one cowering male. For some of us, personal ads are the perfect solution. I met my wonderful husband when he responded to an ad I placed many years ago. Our son is now in college, and our marriage is the envy of our friends. Using personals to find a wealthy man who looks like a movie star is nonsense, but for the discerning, sane and sensible, the personals are the way to go. -- A.G. in Hollywood, Calif.

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Section: relationships, general-health
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband is a wonderful man, 56 years old and highly intelligent. He had an ingrown toenail that was red and swollen and looked infected. I suggested he soak it in hot water and try to cut as much of the nail as he could. Well, Ann, I caught him soaking his toe in my good crock pot. I went ballistic. He insisted that a little hot water and soap would clean the pot up just fine and I had no reason to fly off the handle. I threw the contaminated pot in the garbage. The next morning, I discovered he had put the pot back in the cupboard. I took it with me to the office and threw it out there. Was I wrong, Ann, or am I married to a man with the brain of a flea? -- Grossed Out in Stockton, Calif.

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Section: behavior, manners, marriage
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who put an unfair burden on a bride and groom by carrying wedding presents to the reception. The couple then must arrange for one or two empty cars to haul the gifts to the couple's new home. I believe this happens for two reasons: procrastination and laziness. Many guests wait until the last minute to buy a gift, and then they bring it to the wedding rather than having it delivered. Also, some guests don't want to be bothered with wrapping a gift for mailing. You would do thousands of wedding couples a huge favor if you would urge guests to purchase and deliver gifts before the big day. If they can't manage to get the gift in advance, it is perfectly OK to send it a few days after the wedding. I hope you agree with me, Ann. -- F.W. in Zionsville, Ind.

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"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass."
-Ann Landers