Our Featured Columns from the Archives:
Section:
abuse,
addictions,
aging,
behavior,
work
Dear Ann Landers,
My ex-husband and I have two young daughters. It seems that as the girls get older, their father is less interested in having a role in their lives.
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Section:
children,
relationships,
mental-health
Dear Ann Landers,
I am 34 years old and about to have my first baby.
My husband and I are thrilled beyond words.
So what's the problem? When I told my dad that he is about to become a grandfather, he said, "Not really. I am not your father." I was devastated when he told me that and immediately confronted my mother. She said, "Your dad doesn't know what he is talking about." My father says, "Your mother knows the truth and is lying through her teeth."
I don't know what to make of this. Should I have a paternity test done to settle this once and for all, or should I just drop it? Why would my father tell me such a thing after all these years? I am in a state of shock. Please help me figure this out. -- Totally Baffled in Spokane, Wash.
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Section:
health-and-wellness,
aging,
children,
relationships
Dear Ann Landers,
I've read many letters in your column from children who wonder how to get elderly parents to quit driving. I need to tell you about my dad. On his 89th birthday, he was still driving and doing a good job of it. His request for his birthday was that I go with him for a ride and buy him a cup of coffee. We had a wonderful time together. When we arrived home, he handed me the car keys and said, "I've driven more than 70 years and have never had an accident, and now, it's time to quit." It was his birthday, but what a gift he gave to us.
You can sign this letter -- Proud To Be Rudy's Daughter, Jamestown, N.Y.
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Section:
manners,
children,
money
Dear Ann Landers,
I am a new bride. My husband's family treats "Eddie," my husband, very unfairly. They are also cold to my 2-year-old son and me. I know they are not cold people because they are very affectionate toward Eddie's sisters and brothers and their children.
Eddie has had employment difficulties since we married and relocated. In the 18 months we have been together, my family has helped us out financially. They are not rich, just comfortable. Eddie's family is also comfortable, but they refuse to help us and say they can't afford it. Not true. They live a lavish lifestyle and have a substantial income.
I believe Eddie should learn how to demand equal treatment. He needs to ask for his share. He plans to adopt my son as soon as the boy is a little older. In the meantime, my son is being treated like a second-class citizen in comparison to the other grandchildren. If they buy a new outfit for their other 2-year-old grandson, they should buy one for our son also. Right?
A psychologist told us this situation can change if we are willing to work at it. I believe we should start writing letters to my in-laws telling them exactly how we feel. Eddie says it doesn't matter to him, but I know it hurts him plenty. What should we do about this? -- Feeling Left Out in Florida
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Section:
sexuality,
children,
relationships
Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 15-year-old sophomore girl. I make decent grades and am a normal teenager in every way. At the beginning of the school year, I hit it off with a girl who had just moved to our town over the summer. "Lottie" and I have the same taste in music and movies, and we like to hang out at the mall after school. We've become great friends in just a few months, and last weekend, Lottie invited me to sleep over at her house.
Everything was great until it came time for bed. Lottie's bedroom has a double bed, which we were supposed to share. That would have been OK, except she stripped completely naked before she got into bed.
Ann, I have no objection to sleeping in the nude, but this was in the winter, and it was plenty cold outside. I asked Lottie whether she wouldn't be warmer in pajamas. She replied that she was more comfortable sleeping nude and her electric blanket would keep her toasty warm. I reluctantly got into bed but kept wondering whether Lottie was trying to seduce me. Her electric blanket was turned on so high that I was tempted to take off my flannel nightshirt. I decided not to, thinking maybe that was what she wanted me to do. Lottie made no other moves on me, but I barely slept all night.
What should I do? I don't want to accuse her of being a lesbian, but I can't stop wondering whether she is interested in me sexually. Lottie is the best friend I ever had, and I would hate to lose her over this. Please tell me what to do. -- Befuddled in Northern California
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Section:
mental-health,
sexuality,
relationships,
gender
Dear Ann Landers,
My husband has been clinically depressed for most of his adult life. A while back, "Herman" began seeing a female therapist who focused on my husband's early years to see whether something in his childhood might be the cause of his depression. His therapist discovered that during adolescence, Herman had been a cross-dresser.
He apparently had worn women's clothing in his early teens but repressed it as an adult. Now Herman wants my permission to express this part of his personality around the house. He says he would not go out in public.
This disgusts me, Ann. The thought of my husband in makeup, wig and high heels makes my skin crawl. His therapist told me I need to be more tolerant. She doesn't seem to think his behavior is abnormal or sick.
Herman is artistic and sensitive, a gourmet cook and an avid sportsman. More importantly, he is a terrific father to our two sons. I used to think he was the most masculine man alive. Now I don't see how I ever can look at him the same way or stop wondering whether he is gay. I don't want to break up our marriage, but if anyone found out about the makeup, wigs and high heels, I would be devastated. I need your advice. -- N. Carolina
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Section:
general-health,
manners
Dear Ann Landers,
I have a relative who has diabetes and must take insulin shots after every meal. He makes quite a production of it, testing his blood sugar level, preparing the injection and injecting himself at the table. This procedure is done in the homes of family members and friends and in restaurants. I can handle it, but several others cannot. The sight of blood and injections ruins the enjoyment of the meals for those with queasy stomachs.
This person is extremely sensitive, and his feelings would be crushed if he knew he was offending people. Your response in the paper would help make others who are afflicted with diabetes aware of how this sort of thing affects some of us. No name or city, please. -- Mrs. Anonymous
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Section:
manners
Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I have been married for 30 years. He is Italian, and I am Canadian. I speak only English. Whenever we are with my mother-in-law, she and my husband speak nothing but Italian.
My husband doesn't see anything wrong with this, even though I am left totally out of the conversation. He says the language is part of his heritage and it makes his mother happy. I would be more understanding if my mother-in-law could not speak English, but she speaks it very well.
When our children were growing up, I never made an issue of it because I wanted the children to feel close to their grandparents, but now, it is bothering me to no end. I feel completely excluded and avoid being with just the two of them. I say they are terribly rude. What do you say? -- Excluded and Offended
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Section:
sexuality,
work
Dear Ann Landers,
I am a male escort while I am working on my master's degree at a university in Washington, D.C. I take out women (usually my mother's age) and am paid well. There is no sex involved. These women simply need a decent-looking, well-dressed guy to take them to various social events at which they would feel ill at ease if not accompanied.
Very few friends know about my "moonlighting," which is the way I want it. I have met some interesting, intelligent women in my work, most of them widowed or divorced. Three of these women would like to marry me.
Marriage is out of the question. I am gay. Should I tell them? It would be easier than trying to make up reasons for my lack of interest. Yes or no, Ann? -- Mr. X in D.C.
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Section:
mental-health,
children
Dear Ann Landers,
My best friend is slitting her wrists. I know she doesn't want to end her life, but whenever she has a bad day at school or problems at home, she cuts herself. The last time she did this, I threatened to tell her parents, but she pleaded with me to keep quiet and promised she would never do it again.
We are both 14. She is my best friend, and I want her to be happy and healthy. What can I do to help her? -- Just Me in Philadelphia
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