Dear Ann Landers, I am a 42-year-old man, married with two children. Things are just fine within my immediate family. The problem is my mother. She wants me to buy her an automobile. Not just any automobile. She wants one exactly like mine.
Mother has a comfortable lifestyle and can certainly afford to buy any car she wants on her own. However, for some reason, she thinks I should give her one. And, of course, she doesn't want anything as moderately priced as the neighbor's car. She feels entitled to a car just like mine -- the expensive variety. No other car will do.
Ann, I have worked hard for everything I have, including my car. I paid my own way through college and am reasonably successful in business. I do not feel that I should deprive my children of the money we are saving for their college education in order to satisfy my mother's expensive taste in automobiles. I have told her that money is tight at the moment, but this hasn't stopped her from nagging.
My relationship with my mother has never been terribly close, and now, her pressuring me to buy a car is straining it to the breaking point. I don't want to destroy the good will that I have slowly and carefully built up over the years. I need some advice. -- No Name, No City, Please
Dear N.N.N.C., Does your mother have a hearing problem? Tell her, in a voice slightly louder than normal, that you cannot afford to buy her a car, and you would appreciate it if she would quit asking. Let her know it pains you that you cannot give her everything her heart desires, but that your children's education comes first. Repeat as often as necessary.
Dear Ann Landers, Last August, I received a telephone call from a woman who said I had won a foreign lottery. She asked if I remembered entering, and I said, "No. I have bought so many lottery tickets that I can't recall all the different ones."
She then informed me there had been a drawing and my name had shown up in the list of 200 semi-finalists. A second drawing put my name as one of five finalists. She said the directors of the lottery decided that $450 million was too much to give to just one person, so it was going to be divided among all five of the finalists. Applying simple arithmetic, it comes out to $90 million for each of us. All that was required was for me to send $10, which I promptly did.
It has been three months, and so far, I have received absolutely nothing. I phoned the local Better Business Bureau and was told, "You will never get any money from them. Why should they pay you? They already have YOUR money."
Any comments? -- Rockford, Ill.
Dear Ann Landers, I just got a phone call from my son. He said, "I've been arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to distribute." I knew he had used marijuana on occasion, but I'm sure he never tried to sell it. A lawyer told me if someone is caught with marijuana, chances are the police will add "intent to distribute," even in the absence of supporting evidence. The accusation of intent changes the crime from a misdemeanor to a felony.
Ann, my son is a good kid who attends college and has a part-time job. He didn't hurt anyone. He didn't steal anything. He didn't cheat anybody. He was caught with marijuana for his own personal use, and for this, he could get 30 years in prison.
He has never gotten so much as a parking ticket.
I don't approve of smoking grass, nor do I approve of smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol. But this punishment seems excessive. I can't help but think of the thousands of families who have suffered this same horror. These harsh laws hurt us all. People who criminalize marijuana believe users are dangerous addicts in dark trench coats, lurking near playgrounds, ready to pounce on young children.
I plead for compassion for those who are hurting only themselves when they use dangerous substances. What they need is counseling and medical intervention, not prison. Harsh laws don't work. Furthermore, it costs us a fortune in taxes to prosecute and incarcerate people who pose no danger to society. Enough. -- A Sad Mother in Va.
Dear Sad Mother, I'm sad about your son's predicament. If the police added "intent to distribute" without real evidence, your son will need the help of a competent lawyer who can get those charges dismissed.
I have long believed the laws regarding marijuana are too harsh. Those who keep pot for their own personal use should not be treated as criminals. Thirty years in prison makes no sense whatsoever. I'm with you.
Dear Ann Landers, Most of the world works by day and sleeps by night. But many people do their jobs while everyone else sleeps -- police officers, nurses, firefighters, waitresses, truck drivers, telephone operators, cab drivers, janitors, security guards and night-shift workers. I am a woman who manages a very busy bar, which means I work late hours six nights a week.
Some people have the crazy idea that I get paid to "party." Actually, I monitor the bartenders and have to decide which customers have had enough. I rarely get to sit down. Meanwhile, my husband seldom gets to stand up. "Mike" is a disc jockey. He is expected to be cheerful and funny and sound as if he is having a ball, even when he has a killer headache or the flu.
I get home around 4 a.m. Mike gets home about 5:30 a.m. We eat supper together and go to bed when the sun comes up. Then, the phone starts to ring. People think because we work at night, we have the whole day free. Some of our friends and family members have actually said, "You sure have it easy. You can sleep all day." Where do people get that nutty idea?
Night workers are just like everybody else. We spend eight hours at work, a couple of hours commuting and running errands, a few hours doing marketing, cooking and household chores, and if we are lucky, we get six or seven hours of sleep. Will you please say a few kind words for us night owls? We could use a little sympathy. -- Sleepless in New Orleans
Dear Sleepless, God bless you night owls. If it weren't for you, the world would come to a screeching halt at sundown. I'm a bit of a night owl myself -- preferring to work late into the night and sleep until noon. My energy level peaks around midnight. The phone is off the hook when I retire. If people think I'm "peculiar," I don't give a hoot.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a 26-year-old woman with a problem. When I was in high school, I cheated on my steady boyfriend with an older man. I discovered I was pregnant and was sure the older man was the father of the baby. Last December, after eight years of paying child support, the man requested a DNA test to determine paternity. I was stunned when it turned out that my daughter isn't his after all.
Here's the real problem. When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend asked if the baby was his, and I assured him it was not. That boyfriend is now happily married and has children. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost six years, and he wants to adopt my daughter.
Should I try to contact my old boyfriend and disrupt his life by telling him he has a daughter? Part of me feels he is entitled to know, but another part worries that I would only mess up more lives. Please tell me what to do. -- Kitty in K.C.
Dear Kitty in K.C., I'm with the part of you that says leave it alone. If any of my readers think otherwise, I would like to hear their reasoning.
