Dear Ann Landers, A few months ago, when I was recovering from surgery and in bed suffering post-operative pain, my sister, "Ellen," came by to see me. My husband, "Dan," who is a physician, happened to enter the room and saw Ellen take prescription drugs out of the box beside my bed and slip them into her pocket. Ellen looked up and realized he had seen her, even though I didn't notice a thing.
Dan didn't want to alarm me, so he said nothing. He waited until Ellen went home and then telephoned her. She didn't say much, except that she had a very bad headache and needed medication. Ellen didn't know Dan had counted the capsules before her visit and knew she was lying about how many she had stolen. Later that evening, she phoned to apologize to Dan, but he wasn't home, so she talked to me and confessed that she had taken my pills.
Ellen is an alcoholic and has been sober for approximately eight years. We are concerned about her health and safety. We also worry about her tendency to steal prescription drugs (as well as other things) from our home and possibly the homes of her friends. We are afraid she might start shoplifting and end up in jail.
Dan and I don't feel comfortable discussing this with Ellen's husband, and she has always been very defensive, so it isn't easy to talk to her about personal problems. Please give us some guidance. -- Worried Sick in Newport Beach, Calif.
Dear Worried in Newport, Your sister needs help. Ellen has traded one addiction for another. She is off the booze but is now hooked on pills.
It is essential that you inform her husband about this latest occurrence. His wife needs professional help, and he must see that she gets it at once.
By withholding this information, you are doing your sister a grave injustice.
Dear Ann Landers, Your column is a valuable tool for getting messages to people everywhere. Please tell them: Always make sure you get prescription drug dosage directions directly from your doctor.
I have psoriasis and have tried almost everything to get rid of it. I recently was put on some high-powered drugs. One drug has to be monitored with blood tests and taken exactly as prescribed. My doctor told me to take four pills a week, two on Saturday morning and two Saturday evening.
My doctor's handwriting was hard to read, but I took the prescription to my pharmacist, thinking he could surely figure it out. When I picked up the pills, the instructions on the bottle read, "Two pills daily and twice on Saturday." Thank God my doctor had told me what he wanted me to do and not just written it down. If I had not remembered his instructions, I would have been taking 16 pills a week, which could have created some serious problems. I asked the pharmacist to call my doctor's office and straighten it out. He did so at once.
Please tell your readers to get it straight from the doctor's mouth. -- Avid Reader in Mesquite, Texas
Dear Avid Reader in Mesquite, Your letter is yet another excellent example of how my readers help one another through this column. "Getting it straight from the doctor's mouth" is superb advice. Of course, it takes the time of the doctor, but if he is dedicated and caring, he won't mind.
Dear Ann Landers, Please tell me if I'm wrong. My wife's parents called last week and asked if they could stay in our extra bedroom for the night. They live in the suburbs. We get along well, so naturally, I said yes. My wife and I had been planning an evening out, and my in-laws offered to watch our daughter so we wouldn't have to hire a sitter. It seemed like a very convenient arrangement.
Here's the problem. My in-laws smoke. They know we do not tolerate smoking in our home, especially now that we have a young child. When my wife and I returned from our evening out, it was obvious that my in-laws had been puffing up a storm. Also, there were ashes on the sofa where they had been sitting.
I was furious. When we asked them about it, they became angry and started yelling that our rules were ridiculous, and that they should be allowed to smoke in our home if they want to. Then, they left in a snit and have threatened to cut all ties with us.
My wife and I are not anti-smoking crusaders, Ann. We don't mind if friends or family members smoke, but we don't want them doing it in our house. I don't believe we are unreasonable, but apparently, they do. My wife loves her parents, and other than this issue, we get along just fine. I certainly don't want our daughter to grow up without her grandparents, but I am concerned about my child's health and do not want her around all that secondhand smoke. How can we repair this rupture and have a good relationship again without caving in on the smoking issue? -- The Son-in-Law
Dear S.I.L., You have every right to tell your in-laws they cannot smoke in your home, and they should respect your wishes. To maintain cordial relations, I suggest you offer to take them out for dinner at an upscale restaurant, and try to find one that allows smoking. (Many don't.) That should do it.
Dear Ann Landers, The recent letters you printed concerning parents whose underage children are drinking raises a critical point that cannot be overstated: Parental involvement is crucial to raising drug-free and alcohol-free kids.
The most recent national survey for the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found that teens who drink, smoke or use pot are less likely to tell their parents where they are on weekends, less likely to have a parent at home after school and less likely to rely on parents' opinions when they make important decisions. They are also less likely to attend religious services regularly.
Nearly half of 13-year-olds say their parents have never discussed the dangers of illegal drugs with them. The survey also found that teens who have tried marijuana say their friends had the most influence over their decision. Teens who have chosen not to smoke pot say their parents influenced them most. The bottom line? Parents have more clout than they think. They should use it. -- Joseph A. Califano Jr., chairman and president, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University
Dear Joseph Califano, Your letter places the responsibility right where it belongs: on the parents. They need to know where their kids are at all times, who they are with and what they are doing. And it doesn't hurt to set a good example. Parents who smoke, drink excessively and use bad language should not be surprised when their children do the same. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.
Dear Ann Landers, You recently printed a column that listed tips to help people give up cigarettes. The tips came from the St. Helena Health Center in Deer Park, Calif.
I want you to know I did almost everything on the list and have finally given up smoking. The reason I wanted to quit was because of my health. I have diabetes, and both of my grandparents died of lung cancer. Since I quit, I can breathe better, and my diabetes is now under control. Thanks for providing some encouragement for those of us who needed it. -- Kimberly in Virginia
Dear Kimberly, Many readers appreciated the encouragement and wrote to say so. Here's more on the subject of smoking:
From Philadelphia: The column with tips for giving up cigarettes was good but not strong enough. Robin Stoloff, a local South Jersey health reporter, said recently, "Cigarette smoking is responsible for 419,000 deaths per year in the United States. It causes cancer, heart disease, emphysema, bronchitis, poor circulation, fatigue, smoker's cough, and smelly hair, breath and clothes. It produces wrinkles and stained yellow teeth and fingers, and reduces your sense of smell and taste. And you don't get all this for free. It actually costs you money; a pack-a-day habit is more than $800 per year, two to three packs per day can run into the thousands."
Chicago: After two packs a day for 20 years, I decided to quit. I kept my resolution to myself so my friends wouldn't be asking me about it all the time. Every time I lit a cigarette, I would put it down and turn on the water, wash, cook, whatever. I soon realized I didn't crave the smoking -- only the habit of lighting up. I put the saved money (70 cents a day) in the bank. I bought a new desk for my son's school. I bought a ticket to a ceremony honoring my anti-smoking uncle when he was named Man of the Year. During a recent rainstorm, I remembered the times I used to go out in bad weather for a cigarette. Not smoking can be the greatest freedom you will ever know.
Lauderdale by the Sea, Fla.: I quit smoking years ago. I substituted thin-stick pretzels for cigarettes. It worked like a charm, and it feels simply wonderful to be free of that curse.
Chula Vista, Calif.: Let me tell you my story about smoking. I was 62 years old and had smoked two packs a day for 40 years. I tried to quit over and over, but I failed every time. Then, I had to go to the hospital for major surgery. When I was recuperating in the intensive-care unit, a doctor stood at the end of my bed and said, "This is Mrs. Blank, the EX-smoker." I have not touched a cigarette since, and it's been 18 years. Tell the surgeons in your reading audience to take heed and give their patients this post-operative suggestion, which could be their greatest gift.
Coos Bay, Ore.: Twenty years ago, my wife and I visited our son in Utah. My wife was a heavy smoker. Our son told her, "You have always said, 'My house, my rules.' Well, you are now in MY house, and the rule is no smoking, no way, no how. If you need to smoke, you can use this empty can as an ashtray and go outside on the balcony." My wife went out on the cold, snowy balcony but returned shortly in a semi-frozen state and didn't smoke the rest of the evening. Two weeks later, we visited our other son in Nevada, and my wife got the same treatment. She ended up on their front porch with an empty soup can. She was extremely angry with both of our sons, but their toughness started her on the road to quitting. Today, she knows they did her a huge favor. She has lived smoke-free for the past 18 years.
