Dear Ann Landers, A woman in our office ("Miss Z") has a TV on her desk that she turns on the minute she comes in. It stays on until she goes home.
The other employees and I feel this reflects poorly on our entire office, especially when someone from the outside comes in. Miss Z is very intimidating, and no one in our office dares approach her about this, plus she has the most seniority. Our boss has made it clear that he doesn't want to be bothered with such petty issues. What is your opinion on this matter? -- No Name, No State
Dear N.N.N.S., Sounds like the boss is also intimidated. Too bad. The old battle-ax wins again.
Dear Ann Landers, School sports have taken over the lives of my children, and I'm tired of it. Am I the only one?
Some nights, my kids don't have the time or energy to study. They just fall into bed exhausted. There is no time for doing home chores or taking on after-school jobs, which some kids need. We hear a great deal about having well-rounded students. Sports participation interferes with that. If the kids want to play soccer and be in the band, too, forget it! The coaches won't allow it. No excuse is acceptable for missing a practice or a game -- including weddings or funerals, let alone eating supper with the family.
Let's face it. This is supposed to be fun for the kids. Most of them will never play professionally or get a college athletic scholarship. I propose parents unite and refuse to let the kids practice or play during school holidays or on weekends. If parents would make a united stand and say, "Only Monday through Friday, and two weeks before school starts, and one week after school lets out for the summer," the coaches would have no choice but to schedule during that timeframe. Too many parents and coaches have forgotten that the real purpose of school is to get an education. -- Sports Parents in La Crosse, Wis.
Dear Sports Parents, You've written a very tough letter, but all your complaints are valid. I wonder if there are other parents who feel as you do. I also wonder if other coaches around the country are as demanding as the ones in La Crosse, Wis.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a male escort while I am working on my master's degree at a university in Washington, D.C. I take out women (usually my mother's age) and am paid well. There is no sex involved. These women simply need a decent-looking, well-dressed guy to take them to various social events at which they would feel ill at ease if not accompanied.
Very few friends know about my "moonlighting," which is the way I want it. I have met some interesting, intelligent women in my work, most of them widowed or divorced. Three of these women would like to marry me.
Marriage is out of the question. I am gay. Should I tell them? It would be easier than trying to make up reasons for my lack of interest. Yes or no, Ann? -- Mr. X in D.C.
Dear Mr. X, No. A negative response to the marriage proposals is adequate. There is no need to go into detail about your personal life. Meanwhile, don't be ashamed of your part-time job. The older women are no doubt grateful for the company. And escorting them to social events is a lot easier than cleaning office buildings at night.
Dear Ann Landers, I agree with your correspondent who was upset that a male technician was going to do her breast exam without a female attendant being present. I was also shocked that the hospital was bold enough to state in a letter that male technicians routinely did unchaperoned breast exams. I am reasonably certain the hospital will change this practice after receiving its first lawsuit for sexual harassment or improper touching.
I am a busy male gynecologist and would never do a breast exam on any patient, regardless of age, without a female attendant present to protect her dignity and my integrity. Thank you, Ann, for your understanding. -- Brian L. Finkel, D.O., FACOG, Phoenix
Dear Dr. Finkel, I cannot imagine a male technician who handles women's breasts all day getting his jollies from the process. If there is such a person, he should find other work before someone throws a net over him. You were good to write, Dr. Finkel, and I thank you.
Dear Ann Landers, I am writing in response to your column from nurses who are fed up. It is sad, but not surprising, that nurses are so unhappy and dissatisfied. For decades, nursing has been devalued because of outdated attitudes and prevailing myths. Although nurses care for the most vulnerable and the sickest members of our society, they must continuously fight for the basic tools to do their job: authority, recognition and respect. The financial rewards aren't all that great, either.
Most nurses begin their careers passionate about nursing. They are thrilled with the opportunity to make a significant difference in people's lives. Nurses care for patients when they are most vulnerable. They deal with major life events: birth and death. They are the backbone of the health-care system, outnumbering physicians four to one. The nurse is there to calm the fears of a middle-aged man the night before his bypass surgery; to prevent bedsores in a terminally ill patient; to help a young man with AIDS deal with the rejection of his family; to teach a mother confined to a wheelchair how to care for her children. Yet nurses are expected to accept working conditions that are often intolerable: long working hours, casual rather than permanent positions and unsafe nurse-to-patient ratios. Is it any wonder dissatisfaction and frustration are so widespread?
The future looks grim. We are facing a severe shortage of nurses that threatens to undermine the health-care system. We need to change working conditions to retain those nurses who are currently in the system and attract the brightest and best. And we had better hurry before it's too late. -- L.G.N., Ph.D., Montreal, Quebec
Dear Montreal, Your signature surprised me. I didn't realize the nursing crisis was as bad in Canada as it is in the United States. I've had a ton of letters with a litany of complaints. The profession is clearly in a state of jeopardy. And now, I would like some suggestions on how to fix it.
