Dear Ann Landers,
This is in response to "Greensboro, N.C.," whose 17-year-old son left home after refusing to get a job or go to school. Those parents should check with a legal expert to find out if they are responsible for the boy's expenses. I have friends who were presented with huge bills run up by their minor child who no longer lived at home. These parents found themselves responsible for trashed living quarters, wrecked cars and expensive clothing -- and they didn't even know where the kid was living. Parents in this position need to be assured of legal protection no matter how much they love the child or hope he will come home. If their minor child has moved out, they should see a lawyer before things get more complicated. They could be liable for a bundle. -- Been Down That Road in Holland, Mich.

Dear Holland,
Excellent advice to those parents. I hope they see this and pay attention. I also hope the boy you wrote about agrees to move back home and get some counseling before he ends up in serious trouble.

Dear Ann Landers,
I have always maintained it's the thought that counts when it comes to gifts. In that light, I'd like to know what you think. Over the years, my husband, our children and I have received an odd selection of gifts from my in-laws. They are always used -- from their attic, a thrift shop or a fire sale, or otherwise recycled. We have laughed it off, decided that they are eccentric and disposed of the gifts. I can understand used books, clothing, jewelry and toys, but last Christmas, they went a bit too far. Our teenage son received an assortment of used aftershave -- complete with mildew on the bottles. He just laughed and tossed it in the trash. My husband and I, however, felt insulted. These people are financially well to-do. They see our children only when they visit on birthdays or Christmas. They stay through dinner and leave just before dessert is served. Then, we don't hear from them until the next major event. When we ask them to spend more time with the grandchildren, they make all kinds of excuses for why they can't manage it. After being rebuffed numerous times, our children have stopped asking about them. Ann, if it's "the thought that counts," what thought can there be behind such insulting gifts? I hesitate to ask them, because I do not want to hurt my husband, but I would appreciate your opinion. -- Daughter-in-Law in Englewood, Fla.

Dear Englewood,
Here are a few adjectives: cheap, no-class, stingy, tightwads, and toss in stupid, weird and kooky, since they apparently believe they are getting away with it. How sad that they're missing out on their grandchildren's lives. When their crummy gifts arrive, just toss them in the trashcan, and let it go at that. Would you believe a woman in Minnesota wrote to tell me that last Christmas she got the same fruitcake she had given the woman two years before?

Dear Ann Landers,
Two weeks ago, when I came home from the supermarket, I found a note from my husband saying there was too much pressure in his life and he needed to get away. I immediately checked our bedroom and found that all his clothes were gone. A few days later, I learned he already had another apartment and a new phone number, which proved he had been planning his escape for quite some time. I had an awful feeling of betrayal when I realized that the person I had been sleeping next to for so many years would plan to sneak off and leave me without saying a word. The note he left said he would contact me in a few days. It has been nearly a week, and I haven't heard from him. My friends tell me I should phone him and find out exactly what he has in mind, but I don't want to do that. After all, he is the one who left, and I think he should make the first move. Please give me some advice. -- Confused in the Midwest

Dear Midwest,
Don't rush. Let the dust settle. Wait another week. If you don't hear anything by then, call and tell him you need to know what his plans are so you can make yours. You gave me no clue as to your age, how long you have been married or what your financial status is. If I knew more about your situation, I could be more helpful. Good luck.

Dear Ann Landers,
I am 29 years old and divorced my husband a year ago when I discovered he was a world-class con artist. I have been seeing a therapist and am moving in a healthy direction. I feel I'm getting my confidence back and am enjoying my independence. For the past few months, I have been dating a wonderful man who seems serious about me. My problem is, I become both excited and frightened when "Clark" and I talk about a future together. My concern is that he makes a very modest salary that barely covers his living expenses. For five years, I was married to a man who spent money as if it grew on trees, and it was up to me to make ends meet. I had a very good job, but it was never enough. When we split, I swore I'd never allow myself to get in that position again. Clark is considerate and caring, and we get along great, but I find myself looking for things about him that aren't perfect. I am not sure whether my concern is based on common sense or whether I am simply afraid to marry a man who is down a lot lower on the pay scale than I'd like him to be. I haven't told Clark about my fears because I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate. He believes I am hesitating about a commitment because my past experience soured me on relationships. He thinks I will come around if I have a little more time. I don't want to end a great relationship, but I don't want to struggle financially like I did before. Please help me sort this out. - Confused in L.A.

Dear L.A.,
What you need is time to clear your head. Don't make any hasty decisions. Keep seeing Clark, but don't pass up any opportunities to date others. In due time, you will decide whether your feelings for Clark are strong enough to triumph over the financial insecurity. Let me know how this turns out.

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I were married recently. Our wedding was beautiful, but there was one problem: We had 17 no-shows and four surprise guests. Two days before the wedding, we'd had to give the caterers the exact number of guests. After that, we would get billed no matter how many no-shows there were. That means we paid for 13 extra meals that nobody ate. I understand that sometimes an emergency comes up, but we wasted more than $330 on those no-show dinners. The extra guests turned out to be no problem because of the no-shows, but generally, surprises are not welcome. What if those 17 people had shown up and we didn't have enough dinners? It would have been a nightmare. It is simply good manners to let the hostess know whether you are coming or not. And if the number of people in your party has changed, she should be informed about that, too. When you RSVP, the information you give the hostess is what the cost of the event is based on. Wedding receptions aren't cheap these days, and paying for no-shows is a terrible waste. Am I expecting too much from guests? If so, please tell me. - San Diego

Dear San Diego,
You are not expecting too much. Letting the hostess know whether or not you are coming is no more than common courtesy. Not having enough food because some slobs didn't bother to let you know they were coming is a major embarrassment. A response card and stamped envelope are well worth the extra expense. I recommend them.