Dear Ann Landers, I have a very sophisticated, attractive girlfriend. She is intelligent and has a terrific job. What's the problem? She doesn't shave her legs or under her arms. I'm too embarrassed to tell her this offends me and that it is neither ladylike nor attractive.
I never have dated a woman who didn't shave her legs. My girlfriend has more hair on her legs than I have on mine. I know that in Europe some women don't shave their legs, but is this socially acceptable nowadays in the United States? -- A Hairy Situation in the East
Dear East, Unshaven armpits and hairy legs are not socially acceptable in our culture, and I cannot imagine why a sophisticated woman would not be aware of this. You should tell your friend it would please you if she would do this, although she may not. Incidentally, there are attractively packaged shaving kits for women available in drugstores everywhere. If she agrees to shave, consider giving her one.
Dear Ann Landers, Two weeks ago, when I came home from the supermarket, I found a note from my husband saying there was too much pressure in his life and he needed to get away. I immediately checked our bedroom and found that all his clothes were gone.
A few days later, I learned he already had another apartment and a new phone number, which proved he had been planning his escape for quite some time. I had an awful feeling of betrayal when I realized that the person I had been sleeping next to for so many years would plan to sneak off and leave me without saying a word.
The note he left said he would contact me in a few days. It has been nearly a week, and I haven't heard from him. My friends tell me I should phone him and find out exactly what he has in mind, but I don't want to do that. After all, he is the one who left, and I think he should make the first move. Please give me some advice. -- Confused in the Midwest
Dear Midwest, Don't rush. Let the dust settle. Wait another week. If you don't hear anything by then, call and tell him you need to know what his plans are so you can make yours. You gave me no clue as to your age, how long you have been married or what your financial status is. If I knew more about your situation, I could be more helpful. Good luck.
Dear Ann Landers, Have Americans forgotten there is such a thing as verb tense? I am shocked when I hear people say "woulda came," "coulda went," "shoulda did," "woulda took," "had went," "hadn't came" and so on. Don't they realize "woulda" and "coulda" are slang versions of "would've" and "could've" -- which are contractions for "would have" and "could have"?
I heard a narrator say, "I seen," in a political commercial and a TV reporter say, "We haven't spoke." An attorney in a television show said, "The evidence do not," and a TV anchorwoman said, "Had threw it" and "between you and I."
I was a secretary for almost 50 years and am thankful that, with only a high school education, my English is impeccable. You will do a lot of folks a big favor if you print this letter and bring it to their attention. -- E.E., Wood Ridge, N.J.
Dear E.E., Thanks for taking the time and trouble to write. I shoulda thunk to tell them off myself.
Dear Ann Landers, I would like to address this message to the grown children of widowers who are involved in relationships with widows in the evening of their lives. Many of these children do not understand how important we are to one another, and they treat us as if we were "intruders." To these children, I would like to say:
I am the one who makes sure your father takes along a jacket so he doesn't get chilled in an air-conditioned movie theater.
I am the one to whom he tells all his life stories, often more than once, and I still listen to them respectfully.
I am the one who goes to the doctor with him, at his request, to help him remember what the doctor says.
I am the one who plays cards with him as we listen to music, just to keep him company and because I like him.
I am the one who watches that he doesn't eat the foods the doctor has told him he shouldn't have.
I am the one who sits by his bedside in the hospital, making sure he is cared for, fluffing his pillow, speaking to the doctors, reporting back to you and, finally, driving him home to his apartment.
I am also the one who respects and admires your father, values his opinion, appreciates his kindnesses, loves his affection, revels in his compliments and needs his companionship.
You should call me now and then and let me know you are pleased that I am in your father's life. -- Florida Widow
Dear Florida, I wonder how many sons and daughters who read your letter today will make that phone call? I'll bet it will be more than you think.
Dear Ann Landers, I have been going with a man for three years. "Jerome" has a 5-year-old daughter, and I don't know how much longer I can tolerate that child. She tells her father where to sit, where to stand, when to go out and what to eat. She walks around his apartment and insists on holding his hand, no matter what he's doing. She even goes to the bathroom with him. (He says she cries if he locks her out.) If she awakens in the middle of the night, he allows her to sleep with him.
Jerome is divorced, and his daughter spends two nights a week at his place. I realize she misses her father, but this seems to me a very unhealthy attachment. When she is with him, she won't play with her toys or watch TV. She only wants to sit on his lap. This child has so many hang-ups it saddens me. Jerome says I am jealous of her, but I don't believe this is true. What do you say, Ann? -- Ready To Give Up in Richmond, Va.
Dear Richmond, Dump Jerome, unless you are willing to play second fiddle to that pathetic spoiled brat for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, her brattiness is not her fault. Her father (probably guilty about the divorce) has catered to the child to the extent that he is totally under her thumb. Adios, Jerome, and the sooner the better.
