Dear Ann Landers, Too many people think it's OK to leave a child unattended in an automobile while they go into a gas station or post office for "just a minute." Whenever I am tempted to do this, I remember the day I brought my first-born child home from the hospital. My mother said, "Don't ever leave your child in your car anywhere you wouldn't leave $1 million cash on the seat."
If you run this in your column, Ann, please use my name. It would be a wonderful tribute to my very wise mother, who passed away two years ago this Christmas. -- Vicki Villegas Westfall, Valley Springs, Calif.
Dear Vicki, Here is your letter and a very good one at that, I might add. It takes only a second to snatch a child. Your mother gave you excellent advice. I hope every mother who reads this will pay attention to her wise counsel.
Dear Ann Landers, A few years ago, you printed a poem in your column. I do not remember the name of it, but some of the lines were: "Kisses aren't promises" and "Even sunshine burns if you get too much."
I would dearly love to have another copy of that poem because it touched me deeply. I hope you can find it and print it again. -- L.B. in Cordova, Tenn.
Dear L.B., That poem is one of the most requested by my readers. I am pleased to print it again for you and others who have asked. Here it is:
After a While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure ...
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn ...
With every goodbye, you learn.
Dear Ann Landers, My husband and I divorced last summer. We have a 9-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter. I bought a house a few miles from my ex-husband, and the children and I have been living there for the last five months.
My daughter slept with me for the first month we were in our new house, until I could afford to buy her a bed. I admit it was nice, and I didn't mind. I like having my children close. The problem is, it has been five months, and she still wants to sleep in my bed. I wouldn't mind, but I am afraid it could be damaging to her in some way. I could use some advice, Ann. -- Suzi in Houston
Dear Suzi, It is not a good idea for young children to become accustomed to sleeping with an adult parent. Put the child back in her own room, and help her go to sleep there. Divorced parents should not use a child as a spouse substitute.
Dear Ann Landers, I have a very sophisticated, attractive girlfriend. She is intelligent and has a terrific job. What's the problem? She doesn't shave her legs or under her arms. I'm too embarrassed to tell her this offends me and that it is neither ladylike nor attractive.
I never have dated a woman who didn't shave her legs. My girlfriend has more hair on her legs than I have on mine. I know that in Europe some women don't shave their legs, but is this socially acceptable nowadays in the United States? -- A Hairy Situation in the East
Dear East, Unshaven armpits and hairy legs are not socially acceptable in our culture, and I cannot imagine why a sophisticated woman would not be aware of this. You should tell your friend it would please you if she would do this, although she may not. Incidentally, there are attractively packaged shaving kits for women available in drugstores everywhere. If she agrees to shave, consider giving her one.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a male escort working on my master's degree at a university in Washington, D.C. I take out women (usually my mother's age) and am well paid. There is no sex involved. These women simply need a decent-looking, well-dressed guy to take them to various social events at which they would feel ill at ease if not accompanied.
Very few friends know about my "moonlighting," which is the way I want it. I have met some interesting, intelligent women in my work, most of them widowed or divorced. Three of these women would like to marry me.
Marriage is out of the question. I am gay. Should I tell them? It would be easier than trying to make up reasons for my lack of interest. Yes or no, Ann? -- Mr. X in D.C.
Dear Mr. X, No. A negative response to the marriage proposals is adequate. There is no need to go into detail about your personal life. Meanwhile, don't be ashamed of your part-time job. The older women are no doubt grateful for the company. And escorting them to social events is a lot easier than cleaning office buildings at night.
