Dear Ann Landers, I was run over by a drunk driver 21 years ago. As a result, my right arm is paralyzed, and my right leg is partially paralyzed and shorter than the left. I walk with a crutch.
I am completely independent and self-sufficient, but whenever I am out in public, someone asks, "What happened to you?" Not a day goes by that some ignorant jerk doesn't confront me with that rude question. Recently, a neighbor's 7-year-old grandson imitated the way I walk in front of his friends. They thought it was hilarious. Parents should teach their children that it is cruel to make fun of a handicapped person.
The able-bodied cannot comprehend the embarrassment, humiliation and struggle we must endure. Please tell your readers that we should be treated with respect, not stared at or questioned. Thank you. - Managing in Mesa, Ariz.
Dear Mesa, Your letter should go a long way toward educating those who are insensitive to the disabled. I hope parents of young children will take special note of what you have written.
Dear Ann Landers, A few years ago, you printed a poem in your column. I do not remember the name of it, but some of the lines were: "Kisses aren't promises" and "Even sunshine burns if you get too much."
I would dearly love to have another copy of that poem because it touched me deeply. I hope you can find it and print it again. -- L.B. in Cordova, Tenn.
Dear L.B., That poem is one of the most requested by my readers. I am pleased to print it again for you and others who have asked. Here it is:
After a While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure ...
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn ...
With every goodbye, you learn.
Dear Ann Landers, I feel compelled to respond to the letter from "M.J. in Sarasota," who decided to have a hysterectomy to make absolutely certain she would never get ovarian cancer. She still needs to be careful.
I was diagnosed with fibroid tumors in 1988. Even though there was no family history of ovarian cancer, I decided not to take any chances and had a complete hysterectomy. Eight years later, I was shocked to discover I had Stage III ovarian cancer.
Many women do not realize that malignant cells in the ovaries can spread through the surrounding tissue. Even if the ovaries are removed, ovarian cancer can still develop elsewhere. It is important to continue watching for signs of the disease. I am enclosing a list of the symptoms of ovarian cancer, and I hope you will print it for all the women in your reading audience. -- Shirley in Orlando, Fla.
Dear Shirley, Thank you for educating my readers today. According to the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, a national education and advocacy organization, ovarian cancers occur in one out of 55 women at any age. Most women are diagnosed when the chance for survival for five years is about 20 percent. Early detection improves survival rates. Symptoms are subtle at first but become more persistent and identifiable as time goes on.
Any woman who experiences the following symptoms for more than two or three weeks should see her doctor and ask for a combination pelvic/rectal exam, a CA-125 blood test and a transvaginal sonogram:
-- Bloating, a feeling of fullness or gas.
-- Frequent or urgent urination.
-- Nausea, indigestion, constipation or diarrhea.
-- Menstrual disorders or pain during intercourse.
-- Fatigue or backaches.
For more information on ovarian cancer, contact the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, P.O. Box 33107, Washington, D.C. 20033 (www.ovariancancer.org), or assess your risk at the Women's Cancer Network website (www.wcn.org). For a free brochure, call the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition at 1-888-OVARIAN (www.ovarian.org).
Dear Ann Landers, I have always been a small woman with no weight problems - that is, until I had three back surgeries and an operation on my neck. Now, I'm 35 pounds overweight and can't seem to lose it. I'm not a big eater, and it is difficult to exercise because of my health problems.
I was in a relationship with a great guy, and things were going well until my weight gain. Now, he says he is not attracted to me anymore. He avoids having sex, and I'm beginning to feel insecure and wonder whether he's seeing someone else. I always thought loving someone went deeper than looks and it is what's inside a person that counts. I would love him if he were fat or skinny.
I don't want to lose this man and don't know what to do. Can you help? - Miserable in Houston
Dear Houston, Your boyfriend is telling you loud and clear that his attraction to you is based primarily on your looks. It's time to move on.
Meanwhile, see a nutritionist and a physical fitness professional to find out what exercise options are available to you. Do this not for any man, but for yourself. You will not only feel better, but it will do wonders for your self-esteem.
Dear Ann Landers, You printed a letter from a woman whose husband beat her up on the street in front of their house. She wanted to know why no one came to her aid when she screamed for help. Well, there are two sides to every story. I have a neighbor who has been beaten up and seriously injured by the man she lives with, and I no longer call the police.
The first time I heard her screaming, I almost broke my neck getting to the phone to call for help. Then, I knocked on her door, thinking my presence might prevent the situation from escalating. After the police came, she told them she didn't want to press charges, and that was the end of it.
The second time, I heard screaming and breaking glass, and I again called the police. They arrested the man and took my neighbor to the hospital, where she had her jaw rewired and several stitches on her forehead. She refused to press charges. The next morning, her "live-in" was back in the house. That very night, he threw her down the outside concrete steps (all 15 of them), and I called the police. The woman spent several weeks in the hospital with both legs in casts. Guess what. Her live-in picked her up from the hospital and brought her home. As soon as the casts were off, he beat her up again.
Now when she screams, I turn up the TV. The police are tired of coming, and I am tired of calling them. This woman needs help, but the police aren't the answer. Several neighbors have suggested that she get some counseling, but she insists that her boyfriend loves her and has promised it's going to get better. It's been nearly five years since I moved here. They are still together, and he is still beating her up. I am minding my own business. -- Gave Up in Pennsylvania
Dear Penn., In most cases of domestic abuse, alcohol or drugs play a big part. It's difficult to help people who refuse to help themselves, but please don't give up. Intervention by neighbors can save lives. I will continue to recommend it.
