Dear Ann Landers, I have been married for three years, and it is obvious that my mother does not like my wife. I can deal with that, but I'm becoming increasingly upset by the way Mom behaves around "Amelia."
Two weeks ago, there was a milestone family affair, and we hired a professional photographer to take pictures. As we were preparing to pose for the photo shoot, my mother informed Amelia that she could not be in the pictures because she was not a blood relative and therefore not a family member. My wife stepped out, but I could see she was very hurt.
There have been other instances, as well. One evening when several of us went to the theater together, Mom happened to end up sitting next to Amelia. She abruptly stood up, moved to the other side of the row and announced, "I want to sit next to my son."
I have asked my mother to please stop treating Amelia so shabbily, but she insists she has nothing against my wife and accuses me of being overly sensitive. I hope you can help me. -- Not Mama's Boy in Missouri
Dear Missouri, Your signature does not match your letter. You certainly sound like a mama's boy to me, and a gutless one at that.
Why did you not speak up on your wife's behalf when your mother decided Amelia couldn't be in the family pictures because she wasn't a blood relative? And when your mother demanded to sit next to you in the theater, why didn't you arrange the seating so your wife could be on the other side?
As long as you permit your mother to abuse Amelia, she is going to do it. It's high time you asserted yourself, sonny boy. Check out the Bible, where it says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh." Copy that directive on a piece of paper, and tape it to your bathroom mirror.
Dear Ann Landers, Too many people think it's OK to leave a child unattended in an automobile while they go into a gas station or post office for "just a minute." Whenever I am tempted to do this, I remember the day I brought my first-born child home from the hospital. My mother said, "Don't ever leave your child in your car anywhere you wouldn't leave $1 million cash on the seat."
If you run this in your column, Ann, please use my name. It would be a wonderful tribute to my very wise mother, who passed away two years ago this Christmas. -- Vicki Villegas Westfall, Valley Springs, Calif.
Dear Vicki, Here is your letter and a very good one at that, I might add. It takes only a second to snatch a child. Your mother gave you excellent advice. I hope every mother who reads this will pay attention to her wise counsel.
Dear Ann Landers, I've read many letters in your column from children who wonder how to get elderly parents to quit driving. I need to tell you about my dad. On his 89th birthday, he was still driving and doing a good job of it. His request for his birthday was that I go with him for a ride and buy him a cup of coffee. We had a wonderful time together. When we arrived home, he handed me the car keys and said, "I've driven more than 70 years and have never had an accident, and now, it's time to quit." It was his birthday, but what a gift he gave to us.
You can sign this letter -- Proud To Be Rudy's Daughter, Jamestown, N.Y.
Dear Jamestown, What a sweetheart your dad is. I hope his example will encourage other elderly drivers to do likewise. It would be the best gift their concerned children could ever receive.
Dear Ann Landers, The recent letters you printed concerning parents whose underage children are drinking raises a critical point that cannot be overstated: Parental involvement is crucial to raising drug-free and alcohol-free kids.
The most recent national survey for the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found that teens who drink, smoke or use pot are less likely to tell their parents where they are on weekends, less likely to have a parent at home after school and less likely to rely on parents' opinions when they make important decisions. They are also less likely to attend religious services regularly.
Nearly half of 13-year-olds say their parents have never discussed the dangers of illegal drugs with them. The survey also found that teens who have tried marijuana say their friends had the most influence over their decision. Teens who have chosen not to smoke pot say their parents influenced them most. The bottom line? Parents have more clout than they think. They should use it. -- Joseph A. Califano Jr., chairman and president, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University
Dear Joseph Califano, Your letter places the responsibility right where it belongs: on the parents. They need to know where their kids are at all times, who they are with and what they are doing. And it doesn't hurt to set a good example. Parents who smoke, drink excessively and use bad language should not be surprised when their children do the same. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.
Dear Ann Landers, I could not resist the opportunity to tell "Freaking Out in California" how right she is. Cellphone users have become downright rude.
My husband, along with others throughout the country, happens to own a scanner that can pick up cellphone conversations. It truly amazes me that these yakkers are so free with their talk. It's like the old days when we had party lines and all the neighbors could listen in on your telephone calls. Anyone with a scanner can pick up these conversations. Much of what I hear is unfit for human ears. Warn your readers to please watch their language, Ann. -- Iowa Reader
Dear Iowa, You told 'em, and I hope they listen. I have had many letters from readers who pointed this out, and I hope you cellphoniacs who read this will be aware that your conversations are NOT private. You should speak as if your minister were listening, because he just might be.
