Dear Ann Landers, I just read a story in The Macomb Daily, a paper here in Michigan, about a 72-year-old resident of Pittsburgh. This man owns a salon and barbershop supply business, which he bought in 1983. He recently received a notice saying he owes a property tax bill of $1,151 that goes back to 1911, before this man was even born. It seems the debt had gone undetected, even though the property had changed hands several times.
When the man expressed his astonishment, he was told that the passage of time and the change in ownership did not make any difference. He still has to pay the back real estate taxes. I find this outrageous. -- Mary in Warren, Mich.
Dear Mary, It is good of you to take up this man's cause, but I'm afraid he is stuck. According to Dominick Gambino, administrative assistant to the Allegheny County controller, anyone who buys property is responsible for the outstanding tax liens. In this instance, however, the tax lien was so old, it did not show up on a standard title search when the man bought the property back in 1983.
The county sold its tax liens to a private company in 1997, which then discovered the old debt when it began cleaning up the county's records. You will be pleased to know that the beauty supply owner has title insurance that ought to cover it.
Dear Ann Landers, ast Sunday our family drove over one hundred miles to visit my brother, his wife, and their newborn son. Midway through dinner, my sister-in-law left the table to take care of her infant. When we finished the meal, she called 110 for us to come and say good-bye. I almost fainted when I saw she was breast-feeding her baby. Since then, our children, who are eleven, nine, seven, and five years of age, have been bothering me with questions about sex. I am furious with my sister-in-law for placing me in this embarrassing position. I hadn't figured on mentioning sex to my children until they were older. This stupid woman knew we were leaving for home right after dinner. Why couldn't she have waited an-other thirty minutes to nurse her baby? I'd like to take this matter up with her, but I don't know what to say. Will you please lambaste her for rudely leaving the table and behaving in this repulsive manner in front of my children?-Disgusted
Dear Disgusted, If your children don't know how life begins and how infants are nourished by their mothers, it's time they learned. You say you planned on telling them when they were "older." How much older? Ask your doctor for some litera-ture to guide you. And get going, or you'll have four kids who are as mixed up as you are, lady.
Dear Ann Landers, ow does a person know if he is depressed? I realize it isn't possible to be happy all the time, yet I fear my bout with the blahs or the blues is more intense than what the average per-son experiences. Please describe the symptoms of depression so I can have a better understanding of what goes on with me. I feel isolated and inadequate. -OK Today but Worried About Tomorrow
Dear Worried, Millions of Americans suffer from severe depres-sion, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, so if you are severely depressed, you are not alone. Dr. John Kane, who heads the depression clinic at the Long Island Jewish Hillside Medical Center, listed the common warning signals of severe depression in an interview with Olive Evans of The New York Times. Here they are: Feelings of sadness and hopelessness ("I will never be better"). Loss of the "pleasure capacity," the ability to enjoy anything. Loss of interest in sex. Loss of appetite (or overeating). 2 II 2 ANN LANDERS Insomnia (or sleeping too much). Anxious or restless behavior (or apathy). Difficulty in concentration, remembering things and making deci-sions. Becoming upset by small things. Feelings of worthlessness ("I'm no good"). 10. Withdrawal from friends and relatives. If you see yourself in six or more of the above, you are probably se-verely depressed. I urge you to take this column to your physician and talk to him about your depression. Ask him to recommend a counselor. If you cannot afford a private therapist, check the phone book under "mental health clinics." There are many excellent government-funded clinics that cost very little. Moreover, you've already paid for them through your taxes, so go.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a new bride. My husband's family treats \"Eddie,\" my husband, very unfairly. They are also cold to my 2-year-old son and me. I know they are not cold people because they are very affectionate toward Eddie's sisters and brothers and their children. Eddie has had employment difficulties since we married and relocated. In the 18 months we have been together, my family has helped us out financially. They are not rich, just comfortable. Eddie's family is also comfortable, but they refuse to help us and say they can't afford it. Not true. They live a lavish lifestyle and have a substantial income. I believe Eddie should learn how to demand equal treatment. He needs to ask for his share. He plans to adopt my son as soon as the boy is a little older. In the meantime, my son is being treated like a second-class citizen in comparison to the other grandchildren. If they buy a new outfit for their other 2-year-old grandson, they should buy one for our son also. Right? A psychologist told us this situation can change if we are willing to work at it. I believe we should start writing letters to my in-laws telling them exactly how we feel. Eddie says it doesn't matter to him, but I know it hurts him plenty. What should we do about this? -- Feeling Left Out in Florida
Dear Florida, Your letter has a whining quality that really turned me off. I suspect that same attitude turned off Eddie's parents, too. He is in no position to demand \"equal treatment\" or anything else. A gift is whatever people want to give. You seem to think that if your in-laws buy something for their other grandson, they should buy one for your child, too. Again, I say a gift is not something you can demand. The good news is that you are in counseling. Terrific. I hope you will take this column to your next session and discuss your attitude problem. You need help.
Dear Ann Landers, was stopped cold by that letter from Out- maneuvered in Arizona, whose wife left him for a computer lover. My son's wife just left him for her cybersex lover. Maybe she wasn't very happy before, but it's a tragedy when a woman walks out on her hus-band and three small children for a stranger. There's going to be a lot more of this sort of thing, Ann. Just you wait and see. -Rochester, Minn.
Dear Minn., I don't need to wait. I am seeing it right now, and it's sad. Want to look over my shoulder? From Sacramento: My husband (I'll call him Romeo) met Juliet on a chat line. The next thing I knew, he was on his way to Las Vegas for a little romp with his new on-line friend. Before he left, he went into hock for a new Mustang so he could show off. Chico, Calif.: The Internet can be addictive. It also can be danger-ous and destructive. People suddenly become whoever they wish to be, hiding behind a piece of electronic equipment. I met three men on the Internet, and each one turned out to be a phony. Tulsa, Okla.: My wife became acquainted with a man on the East Coast via her computer. It was just "fun" at first, but when she began to stay up until 3 a.m. sending and receiving messages, I knew our mar-riage of several years was in trouble. Chicago: I discovered my husband's secret life when I decided to check out some of the numbers on his Internet bill. Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned, low-tech girl in a crazy, juiced-up high-tech world, but I told him flat out to knock off the fun with strangers in cyberspace or I was walking. He promised to quit the on-line flirting, but I'm still going to keep my ears and eyes open. Juneau: Computer chat lines can become every bit as addictive as co-caine. I have been hooked on both, and it was easier to get off coke. I left my wife and family for my cyber-vamp, and within three months I discovered she was a nut who had broken up three marriages before she almost wrecked mine. I'm back home now, in counseling, and thank God my wife was able to forgive me. It appeal's that the electronic geniuses have hatched a potential monster. Those who are currently flirting on the Internet should be aware that it can lead to serious long-term trouble. The IIesi iie Ann Lambers I 4 1 It has been said that sex takes up less time and causes more trouble than any other single activity. My mail supports this allegation. Curiosity on the subject abounds. Ignorance is rampant. Every day at least a dozen readers want to know, \"What is normal bedroom behavior?" I must answer that question with yet another question: \"Who gets to decide what is 'normal'?\" Please continue to read with an open mind.
