Dear Ann Landers, Many years ago, my daughter asked me to co-sign a loan for a new car. She was young and just starting out, so my wife and I agreed to co-sign. After making only a couple of payments, she defaulted. By then, my wife and I had divorced, and I had remarried. My new wife and I ended up paying $246 a month for almost four years in order to pay off that loan. We did it because we felt it was important to maintain our credit rating, as well as our daughter's. My ex-wife refused to help in any way.
Our daughter is now engaged to a fine young man. When we divorced, my ex-wife and I agreed to share the cost of a wedding whenever our daughter decided to marry. Since my ex did not contribute one cent to paying off that auto loan, I do not feel obligated to contribute to a future wedding and have said so.
My daughter, with her "good credit rating," just bought a new car and took a nice vacation. She has never offered to pay back one red cent of the money I laid out for her first car. The young man is wonderful and had nothing to do with this mess. I feel uneasy about backing out on the wedding expenses, but I still think I'm justified in doing so. What do you say? -- Still Hurting in Levittown, N.Y.
Dear Levittown, Sorry, I don't agree. You are mixing apples and oranges and coming up with lemons. Years ago, you and your ex-wife agreed to share the cost of your daughter's wedding "whenever she decided to marry." Well, Dad, the time has come, and you are honor-bound to keep your word.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Marina 's Comment
I disagree. In no way is this Dad obligated to pay for his daughter's wedding. He paid for her car. That's enough.
Deduct the cost of the car payments from the wedding expenses. The adult daughter seems to feel entitled to having anything she wants without paying for them.
It's a shame the father did not repossess the car. He didn't do his daughter any favors by allowing her to get away with this. I think his prior agreement to help pay for his daughter's wedding is void under the circumstances. "Sorry, honey. I love you, but I paid X amount of dollars for your car for four years. THAT MONEY CAME OUT OF YOUR WEDDING FUND. I guess you and your mom will need to plan something simple." I hope he has the guts. This girl desperately needs a wake-up call.
Dad to daughter: "Sorry honey, the payments we made for four years on your car came out of your wedding fund. I guess you and your mom will have to plan something simple. Love you."
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.