AnnLanders.com, Advice by Ann Landers - []
Section: children, babies, health-and-wellness, mental-health, relationships
 
 

Dear Margo,
I have a son. He and his girlfriend are very close to my ex-husband and his wife. They actually babysit my son's 2-yr-old, because they're both on Social Security. My issue is this: my son's girlfriend has treated me like I've done something awful to my son and my name isn't allowed to be said in his father's house. I adore my grandson, but hardly ever get to see him.

It's like this: my son says he loves me as his mother, but on his Facebook page, guess who he has listed as mother? Yup, the stepmother. I'm glad that she cares for my son like this, but I am his mother. I get no credit for things that I did for him while growing up. My big mistake was thinking I should let my son spend more time with his dad, because I thought that would benefit him. My fault. So now I am paying for it. My question is this: Do I take a chance and confront either the stepmom or the dad? I've been divorced from his father for over 20 years. Can he still possibly hate me so much that he wants to ruin my relationship with my son and his family? I feel eventually they will ruin my relationship with my grandson also. So is it shut up and wait, or step up and lose? I've never talked to my son negatively about his dad. Not sure that worked both ways, obviously. Please help me to understand my own feelings, as I'm getting desperate for my right as a grandparent. - Sad

Dear Sad,
There is a missing piece here, and I don't know what it is. There are many possibilities. You say you allowed your son to spend a lot of time with his dad when he was young. You say it was so he'd have a male role model to grow up with. He may have felt you were passing him off to his father so you could date, or have more time to yourself? His affection for his dad and his wife seems genuine. It is possible they all get on better than you and he do. It happens. I get the feeling you don't know for a certainty that your ex has poisoned the well. (Parents do do this, and I, like you, think it's vindictive and destructive.) As for grandparents' rights, people have gone to court over this - and won - but ...you say you see your son's family,so you are not exactly being kept from your grandchild.

The only constructive thing I can think of is to ask your son out for coffee, tell him of your feelings, and ask him to level with you. He may just feel closer to and more comfortable with his dad and his wife. He may have had difficulties with you from earlier years that stand in the way of the relationship you would like now. One thing is for certain: you can't make anyone feel the way you'd like them to feel. Assuming you can get some answers from your son, I would consider doing a short course with a therapist to help you come to terms with the way thing are.
- Margo



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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Rita 's Comment
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Rita 's Comment
I'm 40 years old female I tested genital herpes (HSV1-2) positive in 2016. I was having bad outbreaks. EXTREMELY PAINFUL. I have try different kinds of drugs and treatment by the medical doctors all to know was avail. Six months ago I was desperately online searching for a helpful remedies for genital herpes (HSV1-2) cure, which I come across some helpful remedies on how Dr OYAGU have help so many people in curing genital herpes (HSV1-2) with the help of herbal treatment because I too believe there is someone somewhere in the world who can cure herpes completely. At of the past 2 months, however, I've been following his herpes protocol and it stopped all outbreaks completely! To my greatest surprise I was cured completely by following the protocol of his herbal medicine . Don't be discouraged by the medical doctors. There is a cure for HSV with the help of herbs and roots by a herbalist Dr call Dr OYAGU he is so kind and truthful with his herbal treatment, kindly contact him for more information Via [email protected] or WhatsApp DR on 2348101755322 or visit his website https://oyaguspellcaster.wixsite.com/oyaguherbalhome you will be lucky as I am today

Reader Comment
I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But after my friend introduced me to Dr Kala the great messenger of Kala healing home, I narrated my problem to him on how my Husband left me and my two kids. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what he needs from me to cast the spell and I provided it for him and he told me to wait that my husband is going to call me in the next 24hrs. To my greatest surprise my husband called me on the phone and was begging for forgiveness for living me and the kids and he came back home and begged me to forgive him for the pains he put me through. I am so happy and overwhelmed that my husband is back to me and i have to tell this to the entire world to let anyone out there who is having marriage and relationship issues to contact Dr Kala on his personal email: [email protected] or WhatsApp him on 2347051705853 and get all your problem solve. No problem is too big for him to solve and i assure you that he will also help you to get your ex back after separation or divorce.

Reader Comment
I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But after my friend introduced me to Dr Kala the great messenger of Kala healing home, I narrated my problem to him on how my Husband left me and my two kids. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what he needs from me to cast the spell and I provided it for him and he told me to wait that my husband is going to call me in the next 24hrs. To my greatest surprise my husband called me on the phone and was begging for forgiveness for living me and the kids and he came back home and begged me to forgive him for the pains he put me through. I am so happy and overwhelmed that my husband is back to me and i have to tell this to the entire world to let anyone out there who is having marriage and relationship issues to contact Dr Kala on his personal email: [email protected] or WhatsApp him on 2347051705853 and get all your problem solve. No problem is too big for him to solve and i assure you that he will also help you to get your ex back after separation or divorce.
 
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:


Dear Readers,
, My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."
-Ann Landers