AnnLanders.com, Advice by Ann Landers - []
Section: addictions, family, manners, children, relationships
 
 

Dear Margo,
My ex-girlfriend, who lived with my son and me for 16 years, died of cancer. Before we knew she had cancer, she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay quite close before she died. Her ex-husband, an attorney, took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I, being financially set, was okay with that. What really hurt my son and me the most was the obituary; we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son, who really loved her. Her ex-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary. My girlfriend barely knew them. I know it's silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation. It's not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice. - Jake

Dear Jake,
I will say this: The ex-husband was not thinking by glossing over a large chunk of her adult life. It was not correct, and it was petty. But that's what happened. Perhaps understanding that you and your son were important to her rankled him, and so he got even the only way he knew how. For the benefit of anyone reading who might find him or herself in the same position at some time in the future, people can run a second obituary, but it would have to be at the time of the death. This is too late for you, but had you known about this, you might've submitted an additional obituary or death notice saying, "XX, beloved companion for sixteen years and like a loving mother to XX, died after a long illness, etc." I hope, with time, you're able to move past the pain.
- Margo



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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

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Jennifer Sanchez's Comment
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Dear Readers,
, My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."
-Ann Landers