, Advice by Ann Landers - []
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Section: children, sexuality, money, relationships

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 26-year-old woman with a problem. When I was in high school, I cheated on my steady boyfriend with an older man. I discovered I was pregnant and was sure the older man was the father of the baby. Last December, after eight years of paying child support, the man requested a DNA test to determine paternity. I was stunned when it turned out that my daughter isn't his after all. Here's the real problem. When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend asked if the baby was his, and I assured him it was not. That boyfriend is now happily married and has children. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost six years, and he wants to adopt my daughter. Should I try to contact my old boyfriend and disrupt his life by telling him he has a daughter? Part of me feels he is entitled to know, but another part worries that I would only mess up more lives. Please tell me what to do. -- Kitty in K.C.

Dear Kitty in K.C.,
I'm with the part of you that says leave it alone. If any of my readers think otherwise, I would like to hear their reasoning.

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Totally Frustrated Daughter-In-Law's Comment
Hello it's me, Totally Frustrated Beyond Belief, Daughter-In-Law. My mother-in-law is so hard to deal with. She is not at all domesticated and isn't afraid to announce it but when she comes for Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, I literally lose my mind. She arrives with a million gifts for my kids but never asked what they want. (Except for my son, she always asks him what he wants and makes sure to get the right size etc.) My girls get a million gifts they have zero interest in. But besides this, I have such a hard time dealing with her while I cook Christmas dinner. She comes in and sits down on the recliner and plays with her phone the entire day and never once offers to help me cook. I even may make a comment on how I'm so stressed and am having a hard time getting everything done. She never offers to help. She only gets off the recliner to eat or go to the bathroom. She also doesn't offer to help clean up after dinner. This morning she left and I went down the basement where she slept to find her bed sheets and blankets all messed up on the couch. She didn't even fold the blankets back before she left. Who does this? My kid's friends have better manners. This has been going on for 21 years. I should be able to accept it but it's just so rude. I want to say something but she will be offended and make me look like I'm the bad person and make me out to be mean. The only reason we have to host her on Christmas Eve is because her daughter spends Christmas Eve and Christmas evening at her in-laws house. I so want to say we don't want her staying with us on this holiday. Last year, in the middle of us opening up gifts she starts laughing and I ask what was so funny and she says it was something funny on Facebook!!! She apparently doesn't want to be here either!

Sphie Queen's Comment
Hello everyone my name is Sophie,i am from Canada I feel very happy to share my great and wonderful testimony with everyone on this platform..: I was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden another woman came into the picture he started hating me and he was abusive and all because i never bear him a child. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost.... He filed for divorce and my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do, he moved out of the house and abandoned me all alone,one day a very close friend of mine told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back,so i went online to search and i came across so many spell caster who only wasted my time and took a lot of money from me,but i went back to her and told her that spiritual way has only taking my money and not yielding anything, and she  introduced me to a spell caster,[email protected], so i decided to try it. although i didn't believe in all those things because of what i have gone through lately,i contacted the Doctor and explain all my problems to him and he told me that i shouldn't worry that when he cast the spell on me and my husband that my husband is going to run back to me and that within 3weeks am going to get pregnant,so i did the little he ask me to do and behold it all work out,my husband run back to me and right now we have Twins boy and a girl,so all thanks to Dr Guru you're indeed a great spell caster, in case anyone needs help here is his email address; [email protected] His spells is for a better life OR whatsapp him now 2349023365076

Jennifer Sanchez's Comment
Many people have wrote articles of how they were helped but I am very grateful to this great man who brought my ex husband back to me. This testimony is a true story. When i came in contact with this man was also through a testimony written about him helping with a cure for Herpes Virus and I have also encountered many testimonies about how he has been helping others with their life. To get back with an ex is one of the most inner most feeling many people would love to experience especially as those memories with our ex always cloud our mind when someone else does some of those things our ex used to do. I was a single parent of two boys for almost 6 years and though my ex husband was not staying with me and the kids i still wish someday he will return back to me. This doctor i encountered known as Dr Odunga helped me with my wishes and i am happy to write on this website that my ex husband is back with me and i am very happy sharing the testimony with everyone so that they too can meet this great doctor and solve their problems. I don't know what others might feel about getting their ex back in their life but i always know there is a blessing in disguise with just a single re-connection with an ex. If you want to successfully get back with your ex or facing infertility problem, contact this great man at [email protected] OR WhatsApp/Call 2348167159012 and share an awesome testimony too just like I did

Mary C's Comment
Dr Odunga comments are taking over your site. I think you should remove them. Just sayin'!

YOLO's Comment
I am your daughter, only it is 47 years later. I found out who my biological father was on my mothers death bed. Because my Mom never told me or him, we missed so many years of getting to know each other. In the past year and a half, we have been trying to make up for lost time and have tried getting to know each other...he was recently diagnosed with stage lung cancer, is dying and now our time together is going to be cut off for good. It isn't fair to either of us. Your daughter deserves to know who her father is and deserves to have the chance to know him. He deserves to know his daughter. You shouldn't make the choice for either of them... it is a choice they should make on their own....while I do understand my Moms reasonings now, I was very hurt that she kept this hidden from me. Your daughter will feel that same hurt when she finds out too late as well.

Reader Comment
I agree with Mary C's comment. Get these stupid Dr. Odunga comments off your site. They should be on these idiots Facebook page, not here! STOP ALREADY!!!!! And as far as "Sophie's" tirade about her "dr. guru". Get her off this site for cripes sake! She's just another idiot who needs to revert this garbage to her Facebook page!!!

someone who has been there herself's Comment
Kitty in KC needs to let the biological father know he has a potential daughter. Her daughter has the right to know who her biological family is. We do not get to make mistakes as adults and expect our children to pay the price for them.
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:

Dear Readers,
, My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."
-Ann Landers