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Section: manners, behavior, health-and-wellness

Dear Ann Landers,
I have a very sophisticated, attractive girlfriend. She is intelligent and has a terrific job. What's the problem? She doesn't shave her legs or under her arms. I'm too embarrassed to tell her this offends me and that it is neither ladylike nor attractive. I never have dated a woman who didn't shave her legs. My girlfriend has more hair on her legs than I have on mine. I know that in Europe some women don't shave their legs, but is this socially acceptable nowadays in the United States? -- A Hairy Situation in the East

Dear East,
Unshaven armpits and hairy legs are not socially acceptable in our culture, and I cannot imagine why a sophisticated woman would not be aware of this. You should tell your friend it would please you if she would do this, although she may not. Incidentally, there are attractively packaged shaving kits for women available in drugstores everywhere. If she agrees to shave, consider giving her one.

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Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Reader Comment
Grow up. Women get to choose whether or not to shave any part of their body. If this is a deal breaker for you, then break the deal. But don’t think it’s ok to make demands on how a woman grooms HER body.

Maryann's Comment
You are not making unfair demands. This would disgust a lot of people and if you ask nicely and she cares about you I think she would accommodate. The important thing is to make it a polite and gentle request. If she stomps her feet and declares her rights to her own body, let her go find another hairy ape. If she won't compromise on this, she probably won't compromise on anything else. AND, you need to be willing to make changes for her as well.

Reader Comment
Hairy legs or underarm pit are not for me!

Diana Luis's Comment
Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored

Reader Comment
Seriously, if body hair is a deal breaker for you, you deserve to be alone. As the two of you age, all kinds of things will happen to your bodies that will leave you looking less like a supermodel and more like a "hairy ape". There is no part of my spouse's body that means more to me than she does. If that's not the case for you, it's a pity, and you should leave her now before she gets more invested in your relationship. Geez.

Mary's Comment
We seem to have gone from a time where we wanted to please our spouses, to a time when we want to challenge our mates on each issue and be constantly arguing. That is no way to live. Folks.......if you like hairy partners, chose one! Don’t expect the men and ladies who like a nice clean shave to change for you! It is rather a personal issue of choice and comfort.

Conch's Comment
If she doesn’t shave under her arms how on earth can she NOT have BO? The more hair there the more u sweat.

Carol's Comment
If she does this next your kids will also pick up this nasty habit. Run like you are on fire. This is just the beginning.

Reader Comment
I agree with those who believe in clean shaven arm pits and legs. I am a woman and now in my 70's. These regions very seldom need shaving now, but I did it for years since I couldn't imagine having hairy pits

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Alecta's Comment
I personally have issues with facial hair. I don't like it in most cases, and some I find frankly repulsive. Would I demand a man shave for me? No. If ased my opinion I would certainly give it, but if a man prefers to be bearded, he's not for me, and that's fine. If a man tried to tell me how to groom he would be out the door so fast. Clue: people's bodies are their bodies. No one else gets a say.

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Reader Comment
Wow this "advice" misses the mark by a mile. The issue isn't that he doesn't like her body hair, it's that he has lied about it for the duration of their dating. Unshaved pits and legs are easily seen areas, there was no surprise, he was making up his mind about it, and is now trying to shame her behind her back with such questions as "is this socially acceptable nowadays in the United States?" She is grown, and I would think he is too, so he should grow up and make his own decision. Desice she's someone he want to be with or not. I hope he moves on though because she deserves better than a passive aggressive, manipulative, indecisive jerk. As for the "advisor" to say hairy pits

Reader Comment
Sorry typo, it's "decide if she's someone he wants to be with or not." As for the "advisor" to say hairy pits
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"Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."
-Ann Landers