, Advice by Ann Landers - []
Section: abuse, mental-health, marriage, relationships, family

Dear Margo,
My husband and I are constantly fighting about how my family treats me. I do admit that I let them take advantage of me, but it doesn't bother me. He says he can't sit by and see them make a fool of me and "what type of man is he if he allows it?". He screams at me at the top of his lungs, with bulging eyes and red face. Sometimes I feel he might even hit me. He threatens that if I don't "cut them off", he will either leave me or hurt them. However, if I make plans to do something without him, he's offended and angry, saying that I don't respect how he feels. He will not allow me to do anything without him. He says that marriage is a commitment and I am not taking it seriously enough if I need other people in my life. I have already cut my brother out, now my husband is looking for my sister and my aunt. I get headaches and my heart feels like it is going to explode. He doesn't think anyone else should matter but us. I'm so worried that if I do what he demands (cutting off everyone), and if something happens to him, I will be all alone...too embarrassed to reach out and try to mend relationships that I did not want to end in the first place. Believe it or not, he is a psychologist, and doesn't feel he's wrong and won't compromise with me. I'm even afraid to accept invitations to family functions for fear that he will start an argument and insist on walking out and demanding that I leave with him or else. I really miss socializing with my family on a normal basis. Any advice? - Maybe a Doormat

Dear Maybe,
The fact that your husband is a psychologist may surprise some people, but not me. There's an old joke that psychiatrists (and by extension, psychotherapists of all stripes) are all a little bit screwy, and that they go in to the field to get answers to their own problems. Your spouse, who screams until his eyes bulge and his face becomes red, is not, let us say, well-adjusted. He also displays signs of the classic abuser: trying to extract you from your family; not allowing you to do anything without him; feels you need no one in your life except him. There is too much wrong here to be fixed, He is a damaged personality and your are his pinata, with the emphasis on HIS.

You did nothing "wrong" to him but he has done plenty "wrong" to you. Because he's threatened to hurt your family, my advice would be to get a restraining order against him, institute a divorce, and keep your whereabouts a mystery to him. I don't want to be dramatic, but I don't think your leaving him is what he has in mind, which is why I hope you will get your ducks in a row and run for it. Good luck.
- Margo

Share this Column with Friends

What do you think?

A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

BeausMom's Comment
Run FAST! If you are afraid he's going to harm you or have threatened your family he's going to do it! See a lawyer, a policeman and a judge quickly!

Rooting for YOU !!'s Comment
I lived in an abusive relationship for 2 yrs. He was jealous of everything and everyone. He tried to keep me from my family and friends, and cut me off from the world. He even threw a plate of pasta at my face one night, because I wanted to go to the hospital to see my best friends new baby. This situation will only get worse and not better. I would highly suggest you run. It has been 5 years since I left my abuser, and I am still coping with the permanent damage he did to me. Please try and reconcile your relationship with your brother. I wish you the very best, and hope you can find the strength to leave (It took me around 10 times, before I was finally able to leave for good)

Jennifer Sanchez's Comment
Many people have wrote articles of how they were helped but I am very grateful to this great man who brought my ex husband back to me. This testimony is a true story. When i came in contact with this man was also through a testimony written about him helping with a cure for Herpes Virus and I have also encountered many testimonies about how he has been helping others with their life. To get back with an ex is one of the most inner most feeling many people would love to experience especially as those memories with our ex always cloud our mind when someone else does some of those things our ex used to do. I was a single parent of two boys for almost 6 years and though my ex husband was not staying with me and the kids i still wish someday he will return back to me. This doctor i encountered known as Dr Odunga helped me with my wishes and i am happy to write on this website that my ex husband is back with me and i am very happy sharing the testimony with everyone so that they too can meet this great doctor and solve their problems. I don't know what others might feel about getting their ex back in their life but i always know there is a blessing in disguise with just a single re-connection with an ex. If you want to successfully get back with your ex or facing infertility problem, contact this great man at [email protected] OR WhatsApp/Call 2348167159012 and share an awesome testimony too just like I did

Save Yourself's Comment
Call your local shelter for abused women and ask if someone can come and take you away from your home while your husband is at work. Next see an attorney to start divorce proceedings. If you think this man will beat you, it is likely only a matter of time until he does. Run now.

Reader Comment
I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But after my friend introduced me to Dr Kala the great messenger of Kala healing home, I narrated my problem to him on how my Husband left me and my two kids. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what he needs from me to cast the spell and I provided it for him and he told me to wait that my husband is going to call me in the next 24hrs. To my greatest surprise my husband called me on the phone and was begging for forgiveness for living me and the kids and he came back home and begged me to forgive him for the pains he put me through. I am so happy and overwhelmed that my husband is back to me and i have to tell this to the entire world to let anyone out there who is having marriage and relationship issues to contact Dr Kala on his personal email: [email protected] or WhatsApp him on 2347051705853 and get all your problem solve. No problem is too big for him to solve and i assure you that he will also help you to get your ex back after separation or divorce.
Please share your comments below:

Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:

Dear Readers,
, My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

Tell us what you think?

Popular Columns

Tag Cloud

Ask a Question
Post a Comment

"Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them."
-Ann Landers