Dear Ann Landers, I am the grandmother of a child who was put up for adoption. It was an open adoption, which means the adoptive parents send my son photographs and letters so he knows how his child is doing. The adoptive parents are lovely people, and my grandson is doing wonderfully. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for them.
Every Christmas and birthday, I send gifts to my grandson because I want him to know I care about him. The adoptive parents have a second child, and I make sure to send gifts to that child, too. The rest of my family disagrees with this. They say I should distance myself from the boy and stop keeping in touch with the adoptive parents.
Tell me, Ann, are they right? Is it a mistake for me to maintain a relationship with this child? The adoptive parents have never asked me to back off, nor has my son objected to my presence in the boy's life. Christmas will be here soon, and I would appreciate your opinion. -- Torn in Texas
Dear Texas, Who, exactly, is "the rest of the family," and what business is it of theirs? These people who are giving you this bum advice should be told you are dealing with the matter in your own way and that all parties involved are satisfied with how things are being handled. (That is shorthand for MYOB, and if they don't get it, spell it out for them.)
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Adoption sickens me. You're one of the lucky ones. In "open" adoptions, eighty percent of the time, the adopters (I refuse to call them "parents") renege. There is a chance that your grandson's adopters will renege. Nevertheless I encourage you to ignore your relatives. He will need his real family some day.
Mama by choice's Comment
Texas: Please continue to be present in his life. NO ONE contacts my adopted children. Too busy with their own drama or life choices.
Deming NM's Comment
According to an article in The Atlantic (When Families Un-Adopt a Child, dated NOV 16, 2018) between 1 and 5 % of adoptions are legally dissolved each year, not 80%.
"Mavis" stuff it! You should take your stupidity and your "Dr. Odunga" to your Facebook page, not here. I refuse to read your entire senseless rant but caught the 'Odunga" BS which was enough. Blow it out your ear!
Mavis- youre an idiot!
Janice FUCK OFF! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT!!
Janice - SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! You are SO stupid and not informed! In most states there is a 6 month grace period and after that no worries!!!!! Keep sending those cards and gifts ONLY to the adopted child!!!!!
I agree with Janice. Adoption is nothing more than child trafficking. That child WILL need his medical history and his real family someday.
Please share your comments below:
Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.