Dear Ann Landers, I am responding to "Unable to Cope in Indiana," whose husband gets angry and blows his top over trivial things. I had the same problem with my husband when our children were growing up. Here's how I handled it:
When "Ed" started to pick on the kids, I knew he was stressed out, so I waited until they were in bed, and then I'd kiss him and tell him what a great husband and father he was, and how much I appreciated all the things he did for me and the children. My words of praise changed him from a growling bear to a pussycat. It worked for me, and I'm sure it will work for "Indiana," too. She ought to try it. -- Been There in Hemet, Calif.
Dear Hemet, You have learned that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Smart mama. Thanks for the short course on human relations. Have you considered serving as a negotiator for the United Nations?
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
My Mother Didn't Always Protect Us's Comment
What this woman is "forgetting" is the abuse happened before she sweet-talked her husband into a better mood. He may have then had a better mood for her, but the children still suffered.
Marilyn Diane Monti's Comment
I am responding to... Been There in Hemet, Calif. As her children were growing up, her husband blew his top at them over trivial things. After The children were asleep, she placated him with flattery until he was a, "pussycat." It sounds like she was protecting herself while her children spent their life thinking, "Dad is mad at us again." The children are enduring their formative years absorbing the fact that mom is OK with their abuse. Her sons will abuse and her daughters will marry abusers. Her compliance is criminal yet here is your answer.
You have learned that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Smart mama. Thanks for the short course on human relations. Have you considered serving as a negotiator for the United Nations?
Ann! Men who are truly men do not need to be placated like that over grown, spoiled brat. Who is her husband going to abuse when the children are gone. What's she going to do then? Adopt?
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.