Dear Ann Landers, I am getting married next year to a wonderful guy. His mother passed away when he was very young. My future father-in-law never remarried, but he has had a "significant other" for about 18 years -- it just happens to be another man. My fiancé is very close to his father's partner. He says it is like having two wonderful fathers. Would it be proper to put his partner's name on the wedding invitation? My fiancé says that his father would marry his partner if it were legally possible and that his name should be on the invitation. I don't want to embarrass anyone by making a public announcement of their living arrangement, but neither do I want to offend my fiancé by not including this man. How can I diplomatically resolve this? -- Fiasco in L.A.
Dear L.A., Significant others, whether gay or straight, should not have their names on wedding invitations. Your father-in-law's partner will be very much in evidence at the festivities, so he should not feel that anyone is hiding him. To put his name on the wedding invitation as if he were a spouse would, in my opinion, be improper and invite a lot of criticism. Don't do it.
Dear L.A., Well, as everyone knows, time and progress have rendered the problem and the advice moot, because now people of the same gender cannot only marry, they are even free to change their genders! I suspect were the original letter and answer to be handled today, the advice would have been to have the invitation say, Mr. XXX and Mr. XXX and Mr. and Mrs. XXX cordially invite you to the marriage of their children. Ain't love grand? - Margo
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Deming NM's Comment
If you don't know how they would feel about it, ASK.
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Dear Readers, , whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.