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Section: relationships

Dear Ann Landers,
The enclosed column has been glued in my scrapbook since the mid-1970s. I was strengthened by looking at it again and came to realize that my latest relationship was not the true love either of us was seeking. I miss him, but I know I made the right decision. Thanks for your wisdom. -- E.M., Albuquerque, N.M. "Love or Infatuation?" Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows -- one day at a time. Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you -- to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him nearer. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait. Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence." Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you will admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you are sure it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers. Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. Sometimes you check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels that trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later, but love never will. Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.


Tags: love

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Ben's Comment
Spot on, any woman wanting a man worth her time, will chose a man who will wait for her long enough for him to decide she is the woman for him. She should give him nothing save her time and ear. She will know he loves her when he accepts nothing from her but her love. Sex ladies is not love no matter what your social media "friends" tell you. Men are attracted to women who are smarter than them so if you want a good man, get an education and some real life experiences, wait for him without waiting for him to come along, and never doubt the power and beauty you have; it is how you were created.

Paul R Bashaw's Comment
ALL THANKS TO LORD BUBUZA: I have known Lord Bubuza for a long time and he has saved my marriage with his love spell each time I have issues with my wife. It was time to retire and I knew life after retirement wouldn’t be easy so I spoke to Lord Bubuza for help to win the lottery My name is Paul R Bashaw. He said I will win if I follow his instructions diligently so I provided his requirements to cast the lottery spell and in confidence I went straight to my boss office to inform him of my retirement which was on July 17 and Three days after that, I went into a J

Paul R Bashaw's Comment
a J
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, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."
-Ann Landers