Dear Margo, I am concerned about the advice you gave "Befuddled," the teenager who was afraid her girlfriend, "Lottie," might be a lesbian because she slept in the nude when they shared a bed. You told her to continue the friendship but not to accept any more invitations to sleep over. Your response left me with a sinking feeling. When friends are uneasy about something like this, it is not OK to ignore it. Also, a friendship that is not based on trust can be hollow at best. As a woman who works with lesbian and gay young people, I find it highly unlikely that Lottie is a lesbian. If such were the case, she would not have risked a negative reaction from her friend. Rejection from those they care about is one of the principal concerns of gay youth. All teenagers, gay and straight, should be encouraged to be honest with their peers and not engage in deception. If the writer has worries and does not deal with them directly, the friendship will suffer. Please let her know that being gay is not the issue. The real issue is empowering young people to be forthright and vocal with each other about situations that make them uncomfortable. Staying silent accomplishes nothing and leaves them frustrated and confused. -- C.M. in the Southwest
Yesterday's Response:
Dear C.M., I had several complaints about my response to that letter and am inclined to think my answer was a dog. Your last sentence is a far better response. Thanks for cleaning up after me.
Today's Response:
, rf. The original response was a dog. The woman who pointed this out is certainly qualified, and she makes a lot of sense. (PS. Some teenagers are quite casual about nudity, others are not. Same for grown-ups.) - Margo
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , who fell from the Garrison Dam, but I saw the second letter, and it brought back memories. When I was a 20-year-old engineering student at the University of North Dakota, I got a summer job on the Garrison Dam. I worked as an inspector on the surge tanks, and one of my primary responsibilities was to see that the contractors followed safety standards such as wear-ing safety belts on the scaffolds. I had been on the job only about a week when Roger Daub came tumbling down. After that happened, I changed my major from engi-neering to math. Nobody falls 150 feet in math. -J.C.H., Dallas
