, Advice by Ann Landers - []
Section: manners, relationships, marriage

Dear Margo,
We live in New York but spend six months every year at our Florida home. We've been in Florida for 14 years and have made many friends. Our daughter is getting married this coming New Year's Eve in NY. We have 8 couples from Florida we'd love to have attend, but we don't want to invite them as it may be an imposition, a tough travel time because of the holidays , and we don't need gifts. Could we put a note in with their invitations saying we would absolutely love them to attend, but we also understand the expense and hassle of travel during the holiday season? And add "We hope you know your presence is the present." Thank you. DonDB

Dear Don,
You and your wife sound most thoughtful, and here's what I would suggest: Don't include the note you have in mind with the invitation, but by all means invite the Florida friends. Everyone knows it's an honor to be invited, because with the kids' friends and the friends of both sets of parents, it's hard to make the cut. What I would do is send the note you've outlined to the eight couples separately. They will appreciate your thoughtfulness. They will also know you've given them a pass. And I bet they all come!
- Margo

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"At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."
-Ann Landers