Dear Ann Landers,
hirteen months ago I had my first child, a beautiful baby boy. My husband, Chris, is a wonderful husband and fa-ther but he has never kissed the child. I mentioned this to him recently and he said he'd feel funny-that he's never kissed a guy before. I've told him how much this bothers me but it doesn't do any good. My father kissed my brothers and they never lost their masculinity be-cause of it Some of Chris's male friends have kissed our child on the cheek, which I've pointed out to him. THAT CAN BE KISSED OFF Still no change. He is a warm, affectionate person and this hang-up has me terribly con-fused. Can there be a deeper prob-lem? MAMA

DEAR MAMA,
A father who con-siders a 13-month-old son "a guy" has a little strudel in his noodle. I'd say Chris has a deeper problem all right But if he holds the child, plays with him and "is a wonderful father," over-look this peculiarity. Kissing isn't es-sential to healthy development TEN WAYS TO BREAK UP A MARRIAGE DEAR ANN: Please Tepeat that great column "Ten Ways to Break Up a Marriage." I need it now. SOS DEAR SOS: Here it is. Thanks for asking. When sons or daughters let you know they plan to be married, show open hostility to the person of their choice. After all, marriage means less love and attention for parents, and they have a right to resent it Expect your married children to spend every Sunday and holiday at your home. Act hurt if they have other plans. If your married children have problems with their mates, encourage them to come home, no matter what. Listen attentively to all complaints and point out additional faults which may have gone unobserved. Remember, sin-gle drops of water can wear away a rock if the drops keep falling long enough. When your married children have financial problems, rush in with the checkbook. If you are having financial problems yourself, borrow, if necessary, but let them know they'll never have to do without anything so long as you are around. THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA 927 If a married child has a drinking problem, tell him his mate drove him to it. It will make him feel better. Ev-eryone needs someone to blame. If your married son gets an op-portunity for advancement which takes him to another city, tell him, "Family is more important than money." If he leaves anyway, remind him that God punishes those who ignore the com-mandment "Honor thy father and thy mother." If there are grandchildren, smother them with gifts. If the parents object, tell them to keep out of it. After all, grandchildren are to spoil. Sneak money to the little ones secretly if you have to. They'll love you for it. If your married child has a difference of opinion with his mate, get into the act and give them both a sam- ple of your wisdom, bom of years of experience. What do THEY know? You've lived! When your married sons or daughters visit with their children, make a point of how thin and tired the kids look. Get across the message that you don't like the way your beloved grandchildren are being cared for. Ask repeatedly what they eat and why they have so many colds. If a kid breaks a tooth or is injured during play, get all the details and place the blame on lack of maternal supervision. If your son has a button off his shirt, say something. Also mention the hole in his sock or the spot on his coat. It will fan the flames of self-pity and could start the final fight that ends in the divorce court. Parenthood: What Do Your Children Owe You?* "What is your mother doing these days?" I asked a friend who recently re-turned from a visit with her family in New York. "Mother is very busy doing what she does best," was the reply. "She's the East Coast distributor for guilt." I often hear this sentiment expressed by young marrieds-who are irritated and resent their invisible burden. There's a tremendous amount of guilt ♦Reprinted from September 1978 issue of Family Circle magazine, Â� 1978 The Family Circle, Inc. 928 THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA around these days and many of the victims don't know if it is being laid on them by self-centered, punitive parents, or if they are really rotten kids. What do children owe their parents, anyway? Not just married children, but all children-from six years of age to sixty-six. No one can speak for everyone, but since this question has been raised by many people groping for answers, I shall try to respond. First, let's start with teenagers. Here are the basics: You owe your parents consideration, loyalty, and respect. The Biblical injunction "Honor thy father and thy mother" is simple and clear. But what if they are drunks and abusive and failures, not only as parents but as human beings? Are we still supposed to "honor" them? Do we still owe them consideration, loyalty and respect? This question is often put to me. "Yes" is my answer. Honor them because they gave you life. Give them consideration and loyalty for the same reason. Consideration is a word that needs no definition, but loyalty as it relates to the family is sometimes vague. What does it mean? It means hanging in there when things go wrong. It means keeping family matters inside the family. The child who speaks ill of his parents and runs them down to out-siders, says more about himself than he says about them. Respect is difficult to bestow when it has not been earned-and sad to say, some parents have not earned it. If you feel your parents have not earned your respect, try to find it in your heart to substitute understanding and compassion. Granted, this is a great deal to ask of a teenager, but if you can do it, it will help you grow as a person. Look beyond the brittle facade and you'll see people who are bitterly ashamed of their inability to measure up. They're insecure and shaky-struggling with unresolved prob-lems stemming from their childhood. To fail as a parent is extremely painful. They suffer a lot. But most parents are not drunks, nor are they abusive. They are plain, ordinary people, with good intentions and feet of clay-trying desperately to survive in a dangerous, untidy world. They are out there every day, on the front lines, battling inflation, obesity, chronic fatigue, obsolescence, and crabgrass. Nearly 48 percent of the work force in America today is female. This means great numbers of mothers are wearing two hats, or three. They're working at part-time (or full-time) jobs, trying to run a house, raise children, and participate in community activities. What do children owe parents who fit this description? THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA 929 Here are the fundamentals: They owe them prompt and honest answers to the following questions: Where are you going? Who are your companions? How do you plan to get there? When will you be home? Teenagers frequently write to complain that their parents want to pick their friends. Do they have a right to do this? The answer is "No." I never fail to point out, however, that when parents are critical of a teenager's friends, they usually have a good reason. Bad company can be bad news. But, in the final analysis, the choice of friends should be up to the individual. If he or she makes poor selections, he or she will have to pay for it. Parents have the right to expect their children to pick up after themselves and perform simple household chores. For example, every member of the family over six years of age should clean the bathtub and the sink so it will be in respectable condition for the next person. He or she should also run errands and help in the kitchen if asked-in other words, carry a share of the load without feeling persecuted. The days of "hired help" are, for the most part, gone. And this is good. Boys as well as girls should be taught to cook and clean, do laundry and sew on buttons. This is not "sissy stuff." It makes for independence and self-reliance. What do teenagers and college students owe their parents in terms of time and attention? There's no pat answer. It depends on the temperament, the expectations and the desires of the individuals involved. Some parents are extremely demanding-others are loose hangers. Some children can't wait to move out of the house. Others must be pushed out. A college student should not be expected to write home every day, but certainly a postcard once a week is not asking too much if parents wish this. A phone call (collect, of course) on Sunday should not be impossible to manage if parents want it. What about vacations? Do children owe it to their parents to come home, rather than go to Fort Lauderdale or to a ski resort? Yes, they do, if the parents want them home and are footing the bills for education and trans-portation. What do working children who live at home owe their parents in terms of financial compensation? The following letter is typical of what I read at least two dozen times a week: "