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Section: children, relationships, mental-health

Dear Ann Landers,
I am 34 years old and about to have my first baby. My husband and I are thrilled beyond words. So what's the problem? When I told my dad that he is about to become a grandfather, he said, "Not really. I am not your father." I was devastated when he told me that and immediately confronted my mother. She said, "Your dad doesn't know what he is talking about." My father says, "Your mother knows the truth and is lying through her teeth." I don't know what to make of this. Should I have a paternity test done to settle this once and for all, or should I just drop it? Why would my father tell me such a thing after all these years? I am in a state of shock. Please help me figure this out. -- Totally Baffled in Spokane, Wash.

Dear Spokane,
In order to prove paternity through a DNA test, you and your father would have to be tested. I doubt that your father would be willing to do this. Your mother appears to be much more stable. Take her word for it. For your father to tell you at this stage of your life that he is not your real dad suggests that he may be a few bricks short of a load. Let's hope that when the baby comes, he will be so thrilled that he will forget about this nonsense.

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Reader Comment
The man she thought is her dad may not actually be her biological father and the fact that’s she is having a baby may have caused him to re-live hurtful events from the past. The way he spoke to her is just terrible. Whether the statement is true or not, that’s not the way to speak to a pregnant woman! It sounds to me that he believes he’s not the father, is angry at his wife and is taking it out on the daughter!

Reader Comment
Her "father' is either experiencing the beginning of dementia or is just an ignorant lout. She can obtain a DNA sample from him without his being aware of it and have it tested. She would at least get the answer she needs. The man may just be a jerk. I would be leery to have the baby around him.

Reader Comment
The reader comment again glorifying this 'Dr. Odunga' is pure garbage. When will you stop including this garbage in your column? They make no sense at all. Let them put this comments on their facebook page. Stupid is as stupid does!

Cookie's Comment
I think if this bothers the mother to be, she should find a way to get her father's dna sample and send it in. Otherwise, this will bother her for years to come. If he is not her biological father, she will just have to work through it - but not know for sure is not good for her mental state.

A42ge's Comment
He(father in question) may have been blunt and told the truth. What if mom had a dirty little secret she was keeping swept under the rug? If he has hair or teeth, a sample can easily be obtained
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:

Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat."
-Ann Landers