AnnLanders.com - Dear Ann Landers: I am a 14-year-old girl and have a friend who is dominating my life.
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Section: manners, relationships, teenagers
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I am a 14-year-old girl and have a friend who is dominating my life. "Julia" calls me so often, my family has started making up excuses why I can't come to the phone. She invites me to her house every day. I usually decline because her brothers are foul-mouthed and Julia constantly gets into fights with her mother. Every time I go there, I come home feeling upset. I no longer enjoy Julia's company, but she makes me feel so guilty that I wind up making plans with her anyway. I feel sorry for her because she doesn't seem to have any other friends. What makes it even worse is that she gets angry and jealous when I go out with other girls and don't include her. Frankly, my other friends don't like her. She's overly critical and says hurtful things. I don't know how to get out of this relationship. I don't want to harm her obviously fragile self-confidence, so I lie about how much I value her friendship. When I think of how stuck I am in this situation, I end up in tears. Please tell me what to do. -- New Jersey

Dear N.J.,
You are very kind to remain friendly with Julia, even though she is domineering and difficult. You need not let her run your life, however. Make dates with other girls, and if Julia doesn't like it, too bad.



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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Maryann 's Comment
Julia is not your friend. You describe her as saying angry, critical, hurtful things. You say she makes you feel guilty--she is manipulating you to do what she wants and causing you unhappiness. You are going to need to end this relationship completely. There is no half-way here. Your parents can help by telling Julia when she calls that she is not to bother you anymore, instead of making "excuses" about why you can't come to the phone. I know you feel sorry for her, but she is poison for you.
 
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