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Section: manners, children, relationships
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
Our son and his wife adopted a beautiful little girl when she was 7 days old. The child will soon be 4 years of age, and they have not told her that she is adopted. We believe this is not right but hesitate to interfere. Any suggestions? -- Concerned Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,
I don't mind interfering on your behalf. Tell your son the child should be told that she is special because she was "chosen." (And the sooner the better.)



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Comments:

A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Sandy's Comment
Mind your business! You and writer. We will tell our adopted children when the time is right. Each child's need is different.

Mike in New Mexico's Comment
Regarding your response to the senior male whose brother is a homosexual. While I believe what you said is correct, I don’t think you went far enough to help the man gain a better understanding of his brother. When I was 16 years old waiting in a city park near downtown Los Angeles for my girlfriend, I was approached by a much older man with three dogs on a leash. He invited me to his apartment “to take a bath” or “to have dinner” – offering both. I was truly scared of this man. When one of the dogs laid down and the other two started to lick it, my fear turned to red hot anger. I left. When I discussed this with my counselor later, he explained that no one is perfectly male or female and what likely happened is that the man triggered my feminine part and the fear of that made me angry. Now 77 years old I have never forgotten the message. God created that man a homosexual and my anger was my own fear. I’ve been in AA for about 30 years and have sponsored numerous men including a half-dozen homosexuals and am sponsoring one now. I don’t get angry because I understand that God, or mother nature if you wish, had a hand in creating these very nice people.
 
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:


Dear Readers,
, My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife."
-Ann Landers