Dear Ann Landers,
'm a 19- year-old virgin and I'm sure I'm not as much of a freak as the girls I work with make me out to be. I hope you will print this letter in support of all of us who have decided that sex belongs in marriage. I have dated at least 20 men in the last three years and I'm proud to say I never let anyone talk me into anything. I've been called "abnormal," "too reli-gious," "chicken," "square," "frigid" and "just plain crazy." When the argu-ments got heavy I told a few clowns to buzz off. I never figured I had lost any-thing of value when a high-pressure make-out artist didn't ask me out again. I knew one day I'd meet a man who would accept my view and not try to change me to suit his "needs." It happened a few months ago and we plan to be married in the fall. There is no hassling about how far to go. He knows my rules and is willing to abide by them. I feel good about myself and what's more, I'm not worried to death from month to month like some girls I work with. Also, I'm not concerned about the side-effects of the Pill (as so many women are these days) because I'm not on it. The peace of mind and self- respect make up for whatever I might be missing, and I can wait a few months to find out what it is. ALL TOGETHER

DEAR FRIEND,
I applaud a young woman who knows what she wants and what she doesn't want and has the courage to stick by her convictions. I've never received a letter from a girl who said she was sorry she saved her-self for marriage, but I've received hundreds from those who didn't and were heartsick. Thanks for writing. The hymen, or maidenhead, is a thin membrane that partially covers the ex-ternal opening of the vagina. It is untrue that when a male does not have a somewhat difficult time penetrating upon intercourse that the hymen has been ruptured by someone else and the girl (or woman) is not a virgin. Before a woman becomes sexually active, the hymen may be stretched by using tam-pons. Horseback riding or other strenuous sports can also rupture the hymen. So can a pelvic examination. In most cases the hymen will usually stretch or tear without much difficulty during the first act of intercourse. Slight bleeding may occur. There may be some discomfort, but the pain is not excruciating. A small percentage of fe-males may have unusually thick maidenheads. If this is the case, and the cou-ple has waited until marriage to have sex, the long-anticipated wedding night can be a nightmare. The bride who encounters this problem should see a gyn-ecologist, who will remove the membrane surgically and make entry by the husband possible. Can a virgin become pregnant? The answer is no. The word virgin means "untouched" or "undiscovered by man." Can a girl with a maidenhead be-come pregnant? The answer is yes, although such occurrences are extremely rare. Medical literature has recorded instances of pregnancy when the hymen was intact. What happened was the sperm were ejaculated on the vulva, made their way through perforations in the hymen into the vagina and up-ward through the uterus to the fallopian tubes, and conception took place. A question that comes up frequently in my mail, almost always from teen-agers, is this: Can a girl get pregnant the very first time she has sexual inter-course? The answer is yes. Many thirteen-, fourteen-, and fifteen-year-olds discover this-much to their astonishment. Through the years some of my ideas have changed. Virginity is one of the subjects about which I have done some rethinking. Twenty-five years ago I held the firm conviction that a girl should hang on to her virginity until mar-riage or death-whichever came first. I no longer believe this. I am still opposed to high school sex since I believe very few girls under eighteen years of age are emotionally equipped to handle a sexual rela-tionship. If, however, the girl who goes on to college (or to work), is mature and has her head together, meets someone with whom she becomes emo-tionally involved, and there is a genuine sense of mutual caring, respect and commitment, it seems to me that a physical relationship would not be inap-propriate. In fact, for a young, in-love couple nearing twenty years of age not to express their feelings in this way would be somewhat unusual, if not unnat-ural. I do not recommend sexual expression, however, for all nineteen- and twenty-year-olds. A great deal depends on the individual. Some girls at twenty are too immature to handle sex. It would overload the circuits and might produce enormous guilt feelings if premarital sex is against her religion. But one thing is certain, no girl should consider sex, regardless of age, without being well informed in advance of the methods of protecting herself against VD and pregnancy. And remember this-according to a re-cent study, slightly over 55 percent of the boys interviewed said they would prefer to marry a virgin. credit: Ann Landers.