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Dear Ann Landers,
First, let it be known to one and all that I am neither endorsing nor am I bum-rapping gum chewing. Some den-tists claim it's not the best thing in the world for the teeth. On the other hand, some psychologists say it's a good way to release tension. Each individual must decide for himself it it's more im-portant to soothe his jangled nerves or protect the enamel. Rule Number One: Gum should never be seen. Chewers who talk and display the wad while so doing commit a grievous social blunder. Rule Number Two: Gum should never be heard. Snap, crackle and pop are fine for breakfast cereals, but sound effects with chewing gum are verboten. Gum cracking is particularly annoy-ing to office workers. I read recently where a gum popper in an insurance office was clobbered with a 9-pound weight by a fellow employe who said he had been "pushed to the brink." (I was not surprised and must admit I was faintly sympathetic.) Rule Number Three: Once gum is chewed it should be disposed of per-manently. Sticking the wad on a piece of paper or on a dinner plate for later is out. Also, don't put gum behind the ear (don't laugh, I've seen it done). The song entitled, "Does the Spear-mint Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?" gave many people the mistaken notion that stashing gum for future chewing is socially acceptable. Rule Number Four: It is impolite to take a stick of gum for oneself without offering it to others. If you happen to have only one stick, offer to split it. If there are several people in the group, wait until you are alone. Gum sneaks (those who pop gum into their mouths furtively) are in the same category as cigaret or candy-mint sneaks. One minute you look at them and they are doing nothing. The next minute they have a cigaret, a mint, or a piece of chewing gum going. I have always thought that I would not care to play cards with people who are such experts at sleight of hand. Rule Number Five: Disposing of gum is an art. It is also an index to a person's character and upbringing. A considerate, well-bred person wouldn't think of spitting out gum on the sidewalk where unwary pedestrians are bound to step in it. Nor would they dream of sticking gum under a theater seat, or, heaven forbid, under a dining room chair or a table. The proper way to dispose of chew-ing gum is to wrap it in a piece of paper and deposit it in a trash con-tainer-or in your purse or pocket, if no container is handy. Unsightly Teeth We do not know of a time in history when people did not use mirrors. The first mirrors were polished stones. Then came metal. Glass was invented in the fifteenth century. One's reflection always causes a reaction either pleasant or unpleasant. Concepts of beauty have varied from race to race and time to time. But to be pretty or handsome, by whatever standards, has always been important to youth. In modem American these standards have become related to perfection in the body and especially the face. It is a rare young person whose self-esteem is not damaged if he has an unsightly problem. With modem technology there is little that cannot be corrected or at least improved. Unsightly teeth disturb teenagers even more than acne. With acne they have lots of company. Not so with defective teeth. Talking makes the teeth appear and disappear and therefore they are more noticeable. Teeth that pro-trade or are crooked, discolored, decayed, broken or absent-as well as swollen or infected gums-come into view as one speaks. Efforts to cover do not work well and the affected person becomes shy and withdrawn. Teenagers have a natural inclination to become depressed because of the loss of childhood. They worry about the future. Unsightly teeth may increase that depression to a state of severity. With basically healthy personalities they can accept what cannot be changed, but they feel angry if told, "It doesn't look so bad" (not true to them) or, "We can't afford it," when they are stuck with a defect that can be corrected. What to do about it? First one must appreciate the importance of looks to young people. Parents sometimes forget how they felt when they were young. They must be willing to give the situation some priority for whatever funds there are. Consult a general dentist for referral to the appropriate specialist. This might be an orthodontist, who straightens teeth, a prosthodontist who caps and replaces teeth, a periodontist who takes care of gums and other struc-tures around the teeth, or an oral surgeon. The work will be expensive but in most cases will cost far less than many of the large items you already own, for example, your car. Check your medical insurance. It may cover part of the cost. Most dental specialists will arrange manageable terms. If one will not, try another. If your income does not permit putting out the price of private care, your dentist can refer you to a dental school or hospital clinic where excellent work will be done. It is a good bet that your teenager will be more than happy to help to ease the financial burden by working to earn part of the cost. Your concern for their feelings will be evident in later years and you will be gratified to see the outgoing personality that emerges. credit: Marita D. Kenna, M.D., Child Psychiatrist, Assistant Professor, Univer-sity of Pittsburgh. Teeth usually begin to erupt between six and eight months of age. However, there is an extremely wide variation in the time of initiation of teething. It may normally be delayed until as late as twelve to fifteen months, or begin very early in life. In fact, occasionally an infant is bom with one or two teeth already erupted. (Ann Landers was bom with two teeth. Her twin sister,

Dear Abby, was bom with one.) In general, premature infants’ teeth erupt somewhat later than full-term in-fants. It is not true that early tooth eruption indicates advanced mental ability or that delayed eruption is a sign of mental retardation. Infants sometimes pass a few loose stools during the time of teething. They also may be irritable for a day or two and occasionally teething is preceded by excessive drooling or chewing. On rare occasions a bluish discoloration may appear on the gum a few days before the eruption of a tooth. This is due to a collection of blood in front of the erupting tooth and disappears when the tooth finally erupts. It has no significance and should not be of concern to parents. Teething does not cause fever, vomiting or other signs of any illness. If an infant appears sick, it should not be attributed to teething, and professional assistance is indicated. A teething ring may be offered if the infant is irritable during the teething period. Applying medication on the gums is not effective in relieving irri- tablity and is not recommended. credit,
David Van Gelder, M.D., FAAP, president of the American Academy of Pediatrics 1977-78, Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Telephone Calls What to Do About Annoying Calls KINDS OF ANNOYING CALLS There are, in general, three types of annoying calls: Indiscriminate or thoughtless "sales" or "survey" calls. Nuisance calls designed to irritate you. Abusive, harassing or obscene calls. INDISCRIMINATE "SALES" OR "SURVEY" CALLS When used correctly, with proper selection of prospects and careful choos-ing of the time to call, selling and surveying by phone provide useful services for companies and their customers. In addition, these services may give em-ployment to handicapped people who cannot work at other jobs. People often become annoyed when telephone pitches are made at incon-venient or inappropriate times. The telephone company is in a difficult position. It is required to provide telephone service for any legitimate use. However, the phone company does not condone thoughtless and indiscriminate sales or survey calls to its cus-tomers. Here are some suggestions as to how to handle such calls. WHAT YOU CAN DO: Remember, a telephone call is just as personal as a face-to-face con-versation. Don't feel obligated to answer questions just because the ques-tioner sounds "official." Don't answer questions on the phone you wouldn't answer if they were asked by a stranger on the street. Always find out who is calling. Ask for the name of the person and the company he or she represents. If the caller is a sales person and you're not interested, say so. One re-sponse is to ask the caller to send you all the information in a letter so you can consider it at your leisure. If you don't recognize the name of the company conducting the sur-vey, offer to call back or ask the caller to call you again after you've had time to check the firm with the Better Business Bureau. Remember, it's your phone service and your time. If the caller is rude and persistent and will not let you go graciously, hang up. NUISANCE CALLS Experience has shown that nuisance calls don't come only from strangers. They also come from acquaintances, neighbors or business associates. A relatively small group-unsupervised youngsters, misguided or frus-trated people, those who are mentally ill-have a tendency to make nuisance calls. Generally, such calls are made at random. If you receive such a call, and give the caller no satisfaction, the person will usually give up after one or two attempts. If you get anonymous calls or calls that try to obtain information you don't want to give, here are some suggestions: Always use the telephone on your terms, not those of the caller. Don't talk to anyone unless you want to. Ask the caller to identify himself or herself. If the caller asks, "Who is this?" don't give your name. Instead ask, "What number did you call?" or "Whom do you want?" If the call isn't legitimate, that very likely will end it. Instruct your children and the baby-sitter never to talk on the phone to anyone they don't recognize. An innocent comment like "Daddy's out of town" could be helpful to a burglar. Teach them to ask for the number so someone can call back later. If the caller remains silent or breathes hard into the phone after you answer, hang up. It is no fun listening to a dead line. ABUSIVE, HARASSING OR OBSCENE CALLS Calls such as these often are meant to infuriate or terrify you. WHAT YOU CAN DO: As with the milder nuisance calls, this caller may remain silent for a while. Don't give the person a chance to get started. Hang up. If a caller makes an obscene or suggestive remark, hang up. The per-son would like nothing better than for you to demand to know who he is, or to ask repeatedly what he wants. HARASSING PHONE CALLS FOR DEBT COLLECTION Improper use of the telephone for debt collection is also a concern to the phone company. This includes calls from store owners and collection agen-cies who make annoying or threatening calls to obtain money which may be owed to them. Improper calls could include: Calling at hours when most people are asleep. Repeated calls without appropriate justification. Calls to third parties offering information about the person who owes money in an attempt to embarrass the debtor so he will pay up. Calls threatening bodily harm or property damage. Calls asserting falsely that the matter will be referred to credit rating agen-cies and damage the reputation of the debtor. Calls asserting falsely that legal action is about to be taken. If debt collection calls are being made in a manner that violates legal re-strictions, the telephone company will take appropriate measures. These may include suspension of service after written notice. WHAT YOU CAN DO Notify the telephone company. Give the name of the calling party, the date and time of the calls and the ways in which the calls were abusive, harassing and so on. THREATENING CALLS Calls in this category include the extreme cases-bomb threats, threats to life and property, threats of kidnapping, robbery or bodily injury to members of your family. Sometimes these calls are repeated over an extended period of time to har-ass and frighten a family. If you are unfortunate enough to be a victim of such a campaign, the techniques suggested here are not sufficient. Call the police and the telephone company immediately. The phone company will work with you and the police to eliminate the problem. credit: A.T.&T. Courtesy Joseph P. O'Brien, Assistant Vice President, Illi-nois Bell, Chicago, Illinois.



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, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat."
-Ann Landers