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Section: relationships

Dear Ann Landers,
My "significant other" (I'll call her Jasmine), after shacking up for two days with a former lover, suggested that we continue to be "companions." We were once married, but we divorced after a few years and have been going steady for nearly 20 years. We do not live together, but those who know us consider us a couple. We had agreed if there were a problem, we would discuss it and try to work out a solution. The first inkling I had of the affair was when Jasmine called me from the airport to say she was headed out to meet her former lover, who was only in this country for a short time. I did not ask her any questions about her plans, and she didn't volunteer any details. When she returned, she said there was no reason we couldn't continue our relationship as we had in the past, and that she intended to see the other guy three or four times a year. I told Jasmine she had no moral standards and that I wanted nothing more to do with her. She claims she cannot understand my pain and disappointment and sees no reason for me to be upset. Is this woman a sociopath, or am I missing something? -- Perplexed in Portland

Dear Portland,
You say you have been "going steady" with this woman for nearly 20 years, and now, she wants to meet a former lover three or four times a year? You are complaining that she has no moral standards. It sounds to me like the pot is calling the kettle black. If you want this woman all to yourself, why haven't you remarried her? I think you two need a rest from each other so you can step back and re-evaluate your relationship. I recommend it.

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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Julie Collins's Comment
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Reader Comment
What is wrong with both of them? "remarrying" her would not solve the problem she has in thinking there is nothing wrong with reconnecting with her former lover and continue to come back home. They are both air heads and need to distance from each other. Start new lives elsewhere and without each other. End of story. IDIOTS!

Reader Comment
How would she feel if you had an occasional "lover"? If she wouldn't care if you did then dump her like a hot rock. Dump her anyway because she has ZERO respect for you. She obviously assumes you will ALWAYS be there for her.

Reader Comment
They're both a couple of flakes. Drop the phony 'relationship' and move on, but I doubt either one of you will figure out what went wrong. Stupid is as stupid does (famous line from "Forrest Gump").

Andy's Comment
Yawn. Both of you are in serious need of therapy. And a permanent separation.
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:

Dear Readers,
, My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other."
-Ann Landers