Dear Ann Landers,
ere are some excellent commandments for in-laws. And please, Ann, feel free to add to this list. As one who has been through the mill, I can tell you there are many young married couples who need all the help they can get. Bylaws for In-laws Don't feel that you are entitled to know everything about your married children's lives (who they entertain, what they do every night, how much money they make, what their friends are up to, etc.). Don't complain that visits with your children and grandchildren are too infrequent. If your son takes you to lunch, don't tell him it should be every month and then call him to make sure that it is. Be content with whatever time he can give you. Don't try to force your married children to spend time with their married siblings. We are old enough to arrange our time together. (My mother-in-law is constantly suggesting that we should enter-tain my brother and his wife every week. We love them, but nei-ther of us has the time, money or desire to do so.) Don't correct your grandchildren constantly, nor should you ex-pect perfection. Enjoy them. Rearing them is not your job. Don't ask to be included when your married children tell you of some special plans. If they want to include you, they will. Don't criticize your child in front of his or her spouse and don't criticize the spouse. Neither one appreciates this. Don't phone every day unless you are asked to do so. Don't drop in unexpectedly-ever. Do develop your own friendships and your own hobbies. Your chil-dren should not be made to feel responsible for entertaining you. Do compliment your child's spouse and say thank you when thanks are due instead of behaving as if a thoughtful gesture took little time and no effort. Please print this. You could save a lot of marriages. -Love 'Em, but They're Driving Me Crazy in Kansas

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