Dear Ann Landers, ur San Antonio Press printed the letter critical of you for suggesting counseling to a 17-year-old girl who refused to attend her best friend's funeral. You replied, "A funeral provides proof that the de-ceased is gone. It helps the bereaved to overcome denial mechanisms." You are dead right, Ann. Don't let anyone change your mind. I learned the lesson from bitter experience. My husband was declared missing in action over France on June 10, 1944. In January of '45 he was declared dead after his crashed plane was found. I refused to believe it. News items about lost flyers who were found alive in unexpected places kept my hopes alive. Finally I was forced to make the decision and I requested that my hus-band be buried in France. A flag came home. Almost 20 years later I took my son to France to visit his father's grave. When the kindly custodian asked us whose grave we had come to see my throat closed. I couldn't speak or eat for 48 hours. I grieved as if my husband had just died. Even now, as I write these words I can feel my throat tighten. I realize I suffered all that agony because I had never witnessed the final farewell. I should have re-quested that my husband's remains be sent home and had a funeral. So please keep telling it like it is, Ann. People need to hear it. K.N.F.
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , I noticed that I had lost almost 2 inches in height, and my back, starting at the neck, is begin-ning to hunch over. It turns out that two of the bones in my spine have not only broken but have collapsed and are deteriorating. My doctor told me I have some of the risk factors for developing os-teoporosis, which I didn’t know. For instance, I didn’t know that since my mother had osteoporosis, I was more likely to get it. My mother, at age 71, suffered a severe hip fracture that left her per-manently disabled. Before this happened, she was active, energetic and young for her age. Today, she is old and frail, uses a walker and can no WAKE UP AND SMEEE THE CIIFFEE! I 7 .1 longer garden, do housework or go out with her friends. She is very dependent on me and my brother, and we worry that the next step will be a nursing home. I am sure you can understand how upset I am. I have a demanding job and need to be healthy so I can continue to take care of my fam-ily responsibilities. What I haven’t told you is that I have two daugh-ters who now have a grandmother and a mother with this dreadful disease. My doctor has given me a program that will help me prevent addi-tional fractures. But she also has made it clear that there is no cure for osteoporosis. Once bone mass is lost, it cannot be replaced. On a brighter note, she believes that if I follow my treatment plan, my bone loss will occur at a slower pace. Ann, I am writing to ask your help. Please tell me where I can get the most reliable information on how to prevent osteoporosis and how I can keep from breaking more bones. I need this information not only for me but also for my children and grandchildren. I want to start early to help them avoid what my mother and I are now going through. When my doctor told me I had osteoporosis, I set out to learn everything I could about the disease, but I have had trouble finding information. Because this is such a common problem, Ann, there must be mil-lions of people like me who need to be informed. Please help us. -Concerned in Nashville
