Dear Ann Landers,
lease warn your readers that there is an insid-ious monster about to pounce on the American people. It will destroy more marriages and lives than anything the world has ever known. Thousands of lonely souls, both men and women and even some children, are seeking friendship by talking via computer. My wife and I bought modems last spring. "Ellen," an efficient typist, logged onto the computer frequently and was gung-ho for it. I was less interested. Ellen became friendly with a group of people on a computer bulletin board and began exchanging e-mail. She was particularly chummy with one man. They exchanged home phone numbers and began call-ing each other at four o'clock in the morning. When the computer junkies planned a trip to Nevada, I went with Ellen. While I was losing money at the casino, Ellen was making love to her on-line Romeo in his hotel room. When we returned home, my wife packed her clothes and her lap-top computer and left me for this man. I have spoken with her since and begged her to come home, but she refuses. We have been married 17 years. Let this be a warning to all married couples who intend to buy a computer with a modem. Be sure to take good care of your spouse's physical needs before, during and after the purchase. -Outmaneuvered in Arizona

Dear Arizona,
I am certain computers have fostered some ro-mances that led to the altar. Your relationship, however, must have been quite fragile. To blame an electronic device for breaking up a marriage is a bit of a reach. Ymr last sentence identifies the real culprit. I hope Ellen comes home and gives you another chance. You sound as if you've learned your lesson.