Dear Ann Landers,
y family situation is unbearable. My 15 -year- old stepdaughter, "Lottie," has been living with my husband and me for 18 months. She left her mother's house by mutual agreement be-cause she could not get along with her mother's live-in boyfriend. Be-fore this, she used to visit us twice a month, and to be perfectly honest, I did not look forward to seeing her. I cannot say anything good about having this girl around. She is rude and sneaky, has flunked several classes and has no interest in school. Her friends slink in and out of our home and are an unwhole- some-looking lot. I have found evidence of pot smoking. To put it bluntly, I am fed up to the teeth with this girl and the way she has dis-rupted our lives. My husband's head is buried in the sand. He says, "She is just exper-imenting. It's a stage she is going through. She only yells at us to show off to her friends." Ann, I wasn't raised this way. I barely speak to Lot-tie, and I am losing respect for my husband. I have tried therapy, but neither my husband nor Lottie will go. I think Lottie should go back to her mother. I don't want to break up my family, but I can no longer tolerate this girl's daily tirades. Our home is like a war zone. I'm sure Lottie doesn't want to leave. She has her daddy conned. My husband says his ex-wife is not fit to raise their daughter. Where do I go from here? -Losing It Fast

Dear Losing It,
Lottie is clearly in charge, and this has got to stop. You must insist on family counseling, which means all three of you. Be-lieve it or not, the girl wants an authority figure to take control. I urge you to deep-six the therapist you were seeing. It sounds like he or she was zero effective. Good luck.