Dear Ann Landers,
s I write this my little boy is lying on the couch under an icebag. His face is as red as a beet and the skin is bro-ken in a few places where I slapped him. When he gets stubborn or has a tantrum, I become so angry I can't control myself. I have hit him like this several times before, even though I know it is wrong. I read your column every day and have read your advice to look in the phone book under child abuse. I looked and there is nothing in this town (population 3,000). When this boy was born four years ago, I really didn't want him but my husband was crazy about children and insisted that I have a family. I have always hated this kid, which is a terrible thing for a mother to admit, but it is true. His daddy died two years ago and, thank God, I don't have any other children. I am a rotten mother. Many times I have thought of giving up the boy for adoption. I know there are many couples who would love to have him. He is very smart for his age and darling-looking. But just when I get ready to put my hand on the phone, I tell myself, "Don't do it. Keep him and learn to be a good mother." I live 1,500 miles away from my own family. I have a good job and work 50 hours a week. Please tell me what to do. -Telling It Like It Is in Kansas

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