Dear Ann Landers,
y husband died ten months ago and left me well off financially. I'm sixty-three but could pass for younger. I'm well traveled, well read, and there might be a little snow on the roof, but there's still a fire in the furnace. Please don't think me vulgar, but I want a husband, and I'm willing to pay for him. There must be some attractive men around in their forties who are tired of working and want to relax a little. Please don't tell me to wait for some nice gentle-man to come along and marry me for myself. Why would a good-looking, middle-aged man want a sixty-three-year-old widow when he can have a twenty-eight-year-old divorcee? I know at least five wealthy widows who are pathetic in their loneliness. Why shouldn't I buy my way out of this circle if I can? Please give me some down-to-earth, practical advice.- Lonely And Miserable

Dear Gypsy,
If you think you're "lonely and miserable" now, just marry some good-looking, middle-aged man who "wants to relax a little." No man worth his salt would be remotely interested in your proposition. Your "For Sale" sign would attract nothing but bums. The next letter is one you ought to clip out and paste in your hatband, lady.