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Section: relationships, sexuality, marriage, mental-health
 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We have two fine children. Five years ago, my husband had an affair. I was devastated when I learned about it, but I did forgive him. He promised never to see the woman again, and he has kept his word. Here's the problem, Ann. The woman has kept in close touch with my in-laws for the past five years. My mother-in-law is well aware that this is very upsetting to me, but she continues to be friendly to the would-be home wrecker. Even my husband has asked his mother to stop seeing the woman, but she continues to be chummy. We moved from Florida partly to get away from this unpleasant situation, and believe it or not, this woman had the gall to move to this same small town. My nerves are completely shot, and I am beginning to develop health problems because of this. Can you help me? -- Hurt in Alabama

Dear Alabama,
You cannot do anything about that woman, but you can do something about yourself. Get some counseling at once. I've often said, "Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission," and the same goes for "torturing." You must put on an emotional raincoat and let whatever comes your way slide off. As for your mother-in-law, you have no right to dictate to her whom she should socialize with, so again, dear, put on that raincoat. Meanwhile, your doctor can give you something to settle your nerves.



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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Reader Comment
"Put on an emotional raincoat"? That's horse pucky! Yes, she does need some counseling, but so does her husband. How does that trollop know where this couple moved? Was the MIL (she's a nasty piece of work, also) helping her or was the husband (the other nasty piece of work)? I wouldn't trust either one of them.

Deming NM's Comment
Her husband kept his word and also asked his mother to cut the woman out. They moved to another state! They are being stalked and she's abetted by his mother. There must be something legal they can do, or maybe an ad in the local newspaper disavowing any relationship with the woman: then let her answer any questions that come up.

Reader Comment
I agree with both commenters here. The MIL needs to be blocked from them until she wakes up and drops the "trollop" which is a very mild name for what she really is (as well as the MIL)

Reader Comment
Dear Ann, I think YOU blew it on your response! Why should the wife and husband put up with such disrespect from his mom? MIL is definitely being abusing to both by caring on with the “other woman” . Raincoat??? They moved to another state and MIL told the “tramp” where they moved to. I am just sooo disappointed in your answer.

Reader Comment
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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:


Dear Readers,
, My x-girlfriend who lived with my son and I for 16 years died of cancer. Prior before we knew she had cancer-she moved out because of an addiction problem. We did stay very close before she died. Her x-husband an attorney took over her finances and the burial arrangements. I being financially set was okay with that, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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