Section: manners, relationships, teenagers
Dear Ann Landers,
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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Maryann 's Comment
Julia is not your friend. You describe her as saying angry, critical, hurtful things. You say she makes you feel guilty--she is manipulating you to do what she wants and causing you unhappiness. You are going to need to end this relationship completely. There is no half-way here. Your parents can help by telling Julia when she calls that she is not to bother you anymore, instead of making "excuses" about why you can't come to the phone. I know you feel sorry for her, but she is poison for you.
Mary C's Comment
I wonder if Julia is looking to you to run interference in a household where she doesn't feel safe. Not your problem! However, she may need to reach out for help. School counselors or other adults might be helpful. Being a manipulative "mean girl", as she seems to be, may be a coping mechanism. Have you spoken about this with your own mother? Does she understand? If you want to maintain any kind of connection, do it outside of her home turf. If you can tell Julia a few hard truths, do. If not, move away. It is just too hard to be her friend.
t..'s Comment
I had a friend like that 50 years ago. I got her to stop being so domineering in my life by being a bit harsh. I regret it. I didn't cut her off or try to be mean to her, I just stopped being there for her and did exactly what AL is saying to do. I regret it. I could have been kinder. I now believe she was abused and I was her only outlet. Sure, I was 12 and didn't have a clue and I was not responsible but I still regret it. She went on to live a miserable life, married an abuser, and died early. I could have been kinder.
ACS's Comment
I would have to cut the tied with Julia. You have enough issues in your life as a young teenager. Julia was disrespectful to her mother. Her brothers fought and cursed all the time. Is this the type of life you would want your own child someday to be confronted with, on a daily, or weekly basis? I didn't think so. I am sorry she was abused in her marriage, and I am sorry she is dead. Life is strange. I hope you finally found other friends to be with, and that your life has been kind to you as an adult. We have to take the good with the bad. Karma is next to Godliness.
ACS's Comment
I would have to cut the tied with Julia. You have enough issues in your life as a young teenager. Julia was disrespectful to her mother. Her brothers fought and cursed all the time. Is this the type of life you would want your own child someday to be confronted with, on a daily, or weekly basis? I didn't think so. I am sorry she was abused in her marriage, and I am sorry she is dead. Life is strange. I hope you finally found other friends to be with, and that your life has been kind to you as an adult. We have to take the good with the bad. Karma is next to Godliness.
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