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Dear Ann Landers,
I just learned that my ex-husband is the father of a baby boy with his new wife. I am devastated by this news. We have been divorced for 10 years, but I never stopped loving him. Eight months after I married "Andy," he had a vasectomy without telling me. We spent another year trying to have a baby. Actually, I was the only one who was trying. Andy was stringing me along. He knew he could not father a child, but he made me believe the fault was mine. I discovered the truth when I went to see a fertility specialist. The doctor said there was no physical reason I could not become pregnant and suggested that my husband be checked. It was then that Andy told me about the vasectomy. The following year, he divorced me on the grounds that he wasn't cut out for marriage. Later that year, he got married to someone else and apparently had his vasectomy reversed. Now I am faced with a terrible sense of loss. How in the world could this have happened? Andy's new family should have been OURS. I tried to adopt a child, but as a single woman, this is very difficult unless you have a great deal of money. I know I can't turn back the clock, but learning about Andy's baby has brought back all the hurt. How can I rid myself of this pain? -- Need Help in Tacoma, Wash.

Dear Tacoma,
Andy is a liar and a cheat. Had you stayed married to him, he would have given you endless grief. Count your blessings. You missed a speeding bullet. Call your local child-welfare agency, and inquire about being a foster parent. There are a great many children who need homes but are not adoptable for a variety of reasons. Good luck to you, dear.



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A Note from Margo:
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!

Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!

Reader Comment
"Tacoma" thinks she's still in love with this jerk? She's lucky she got out when she did. Get over it, sweetheart. The guy is not worth even thinking about any longer. I didn't know a vasectomy was reversible. Fostering a child is a crapshoot. I hope she thinks long and hard about doing that.

My 2 cents's Comment
Maybe her ex wanted a baby, but not with her. There are two sides to every story.

Karen 's Comment
What happened to her was terrible, and I feel her pain. But I don’t envy the ex-husbands new situation at all. He is a liar and a cheat, the new family will bear the impact of that at some point. Life has a funny way of evening things out.

Reader Comment
why doesn't she use artificial semination. she can select the donor and have the doctor take CARE OF THE REST

Reader Comment
why doesn't she use artificial insemination. she can select the donor and have the doctor take CARE OF THE REST
 
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Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies."
-Ann Landers