Dear Ann Landers, My husband, "Jim," and I have been married for two years. We dated for almost nine years before we married. Jim has always been moody and suffers from depression. I have suggested counseling and anti-depressant medication, but he refuses to get any help at all.
Last summer, Jim and I got into a typical married-couple argument. It was no big deal, but he completely lost his temper. He threw our coffee table across the room and punched a hole in the wall over my head. He never apologized, and I let the incident blow over.
Last Sunday, we had another minor disagreement. I left the room, and when I returned, Jim had thrown the Sunday paper in the trashcan, even though he knew I hadn't read it. I yelled at him, so he went into the kitchen and dumped the entire can of garbage into the middle of the living room. Later that evening, I told him I was not going to tolerate living in a house where things are thrown. He replied, "There are three doors in this place. Pick any one if you feel like leaving."
I love Jim, but I fear his volatile behavior. I avoid arguments and don't complain about things because I hate confrontations with him. I am at the end of my rope. What should I do? -- Trying To Save My Marriage in Chicago
Dear Chicago, Tell Jim, "Either get into counseling for anger management, or GET OUT." That man is making your life a living hell, and you should not have to put up with it. For his good, as well as for those who must be around him, Jim needs to face up to his problem and deal with it. You also need to protect yourself.
Hi! It's Margo here. I'd love to know what you think of the letters -- and the answers!
Also, any additional thoughts you might have. Thanks!
Reader Comment
After what that nut job has put her through this long, she needs to follow his suggestion and use one of the three doors for her exit, after retaining a lawyer, that is. He's been getting away with his actions for far too long and courses in anger management won't do much for him. There's obviously a whole lot more wrong with him than just anger outbursts. Get the hell out while you still have all your faculties, sweetheart! This man is a time bomb just waiting to go off and you may be the victim of the explosion. Run, don't walk, and get the hell out of there!
Reader Comment
I totally agree with the reader comment and was going to make the exact same comment. She needs to get the hell out of there before she is a victim of his physical rages. The man has more than a few screws loose.
Amy's Comment
He was testing you with those first few outbursts. You didn’t leave. It will become progressively worse. Police most fear domestic disputes because that’s when people die. And by the way, restraining orders do not work on people determined to hurt you. (Check out the book, “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker) Get out now before it becomes worse.
Please share your comments below:
Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:
Dear Readers, , whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.
