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Section: manners, money

Dear Ann Landers,
I was recently invited to the wedding of a family member and was appalled at what was included with the invitation. It was a "suggestion" for a wedding gift. The enclosed card read, "It would be wonderful if you could contribute to 'Jim and Betty's' dream honeymoon in Jamaica. The check should be made out to ... " Is this something new? Am I out of date? Please reply in the paper, with no mention of where I live. -- Appalled Plus

Dear Appalled,
To my knowledge, it is not now, nor has it ever been, good manners to enclose a gift suggestion with any kind of invitation. I hope you will ignore that crude attempt to shake down friends and family members. Send whatever you wish. It is, however, OK for those who are being married for the second or third time to enclose a note saying, "No gifts, please. We have everything we need."

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Our Reader to Reader Question of the Week:

Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other."
-Ann Landers